It’s strange how I wake up every now and then only to discover that things have changed over night.
Sometimes it’s as simple as discovering my daughter laying on my feet as she eats her breakfast, and other times I swear I woke up in the Walternate universe as the redheaded Olivia Dunham.
Like that one morning back in September of last year when I went to grab one of my many photo coffee cups of the kids and discovered that my pantries no longer existed as they once had.
Now they were above the floor toy boxes for headless baby dolls, broken iPod nano’s and lego Star Wars space ships.
There was also that time during the change of season from,“there’s sweat in my eyes” to “Mom, I can see my breath” when I decided to check the closets for hand me downs before I bought any more hoodies that the kids would just ditch by 9am.
So imagine my surprise when I discovered that we no longer had any more c
losetes for clothes, but rather storage space friends back packs, friends tennis shoes, friends scooters and friends homework.
Uh…where are the clothes?
Oh, I see…in the linen closet where the towels used to go.
But, where are all of the…no, never mind. I see them. They’re covering the candle wax stains on the living room floor.
What happened to my scented candles?
Oh…the trash is full.
So I looked at my husband and said, “Ya know dear, when we moved in this house we only had 4 kids, not six, and I’m pretty sure there was a backyard and a hall closet in the description of the house. Maybe it’s time for a bigger place.”
He reached over the kitchen counter tops to shove the kids radio flyer back into the bread box, “Hav
e we made any money off of that book your writing yet?”
I bit my lip. “No, I haven’t finished it yet.”
“Then home sweet home it is until you finish your book or the 5 year old gets on Star Search. Which ever comes first.”
“Star search was cancelled like a dozen years ago” I whispered.
“Exactly.”
Phooey.
Yesterday when it was time for Mr. Madhouse to leave for work, he leaned over the bed to give me my morning kiss, but before he finished with the usual, “bye I love you,” he added, “Hey honey…have you seen the Durango? I’m sure I’m parked it in the garage last night.”
I rolled over and yawned, “What garage? We have 37 bikes, 2 freezers, one which is broken, 3 bunk beds, 1 queen size bed frame, 9 mattresses, 2 dressers, 3 desks and our RV in there.”
He looked at me suspiciously, “So where did I park the truck yesterday?”
“Check around the corner from the park. That’s where I put the Yukon after the 5 year old’s battery powered Barbie car died and needed my parking spot.”
Since he didn’t come home until his normal time I assumed he found the vehicle after all.
But I’m thinking after this morning, I just may make some headway.
Because our home no longer has any storage space, or a place to sit and have dinner, I decided it was time to pack and donate some of our stuff to make my point. Including daddy’s KISS posters, G.I. Joe’s and race cars from the 1970′s.
I gave the kids strict instructions to have all of the junk in the closets, medicine cabinets, under their beds and behind the toilets thrown into big, black bags and set aside for a curb side pick up.
I win!
About an hour after my husband got home I had an allergy attack from all of the dust bunnies making their new homes in my nose. So I grabbed my inhaler, the benedryl and went f
or my nasal spray.
Wait! Where’s my nasal spray?
And just as I glanced towards my husband for help he said, “Looking for something dear? Maybe you should look through those bags. You never know, you may find something that matters.” And leaned over and gave me a kiss.
He wins…we’re staying. For now…
So love this post! I was feeling the same way not too long ago and did the same thing…bagged up everything either for garbage pickup or donation. Then today I am trying to locate something and opened a drawer that was not so long ago clean and pretty to find it once again a junk drawer. UGH! So on the calendar goes another one of those bag it all up days. Thanks for sharing!
How funny! You too
Sharon… Sharon… Sharon… I just have to get diapers on (oh wait need to go buy some) before I read your posts… you have me laughing so hard that I wished I had a diaper on!! Thank you for letting me into your life once again! Blessings to you and yours!!
I should have had some diapers after that allergy attack
So funny–I just filled three garbage bags full this weekend too. Then a lady gave my daughter two big bags of hand me downs! I wouldn’t even let her look–I told her I need another bag to donate before we open the “new” – HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT TO GET RIDE OF??-good point-this weekends project!
As for the garage-GET THAT when we bought our house we thought we HAD to have one, so we could keep the car out of the snow–seven years later–our car has seen every flake that has ever fallen =^D
We have a 3 car garage that’s only ever held one of our vehicles!
It just does not matter how much junk you throw away. The stuff just expands in the darkness to fill the available space. The only solution is to move…wait I remember reading that option is unavailable…sorry!
I will never give up!
So funny!
Thank you for making me laugh today! I really needed it! 
My pleasure
I never thought that a store like The Container Store would be in business this long. It just goes to show how much “stuff” we have.
Giving to charity is a great idea. Good luck with decluttering!
Catholic charities just LOVES me now!
I hear you!
We had a loft conversion done last year. My wife believes it was a “cost effective option for more room”. The truth is there aren’t enough years left in the universe for the amount of time it will take to pack all our crap up and move….
I think my husband can read your mind!
Awesome see saw happening ! So, the nasal spray was the ultimate winner over the Durango
And I still can’t breathe right
Love your post! Some of my things just dissapear… Usually they are the things my wife is not fond of that I own… Coincidence? I think not….
I don’t believe in coincidence…I believe in…justice
… I was thinking about posting you link to one of those uppity-knows-it-all-neat-freaks that masquerades as a professional “personal-space-organizer” … but on second thought – the liability for their continued psychotherapy would set you even further back from affording a new larger storage unit …er… I mean “home” … (-;
Bahahaha!
Very nice posting, great read thanks for sharing
And thanks for reading…luv to get new readers
I love Fringe. There are only two of us and we move often enough that I’m always de-junking but even in those short amount of times I swear our possessions are mating like rabbits.
Can’t wait until fringe comes back!
I love the star search comment. What a smart couple!!!! Love this one, Sharon!
Thanks hunny!
clean sweep – what do you need a broken freezer for anyway?
Storage
Sharon! Now I want to visit your home, open up your closets (with your permission of course) and check your garage! I only have on child and can imagine what 3 more will do to my house.
Don’t forget to find the back yard for me!
Well it doesn’t get too much worse than this. Wait! Maybe with your family it can:) LoL and always enjoy your posts very much:)
LOL! and thanks much
There’s quite a deja vu feeling in reading this post, Sharon. For the last several years I have been reminding my husband that it is almost impossible to get in to our garage, so full is it of clutter. (needless to say, there’s no room for a car, either). So this is finally the year we tackle it, fighting our way into the room, by clearing space as we go. It is exhausting and feels as if our raison-d’etre is being torn from us! Seriously, quite painful and difficult. So I do feel for you…
And I feel for you too!
LOL throwing away family member’s stuff without their knowledge always comes back at you .. one way or an other.
Yes, it does…*sniff*
hilarious! I started clearing out my crawl space yesterday and couldn’t believe all the junk my husband has accumulated.
I can’t believe we still have room for the toilet!
It’s amazing how quickly home sweet home gets taken over with stuff, especially when you have children. Good for you going through and trying to make sense of the chaos in your life. We could all us a little of that.
I have no sense left. it’s in one of the big black bags
Haha, that’s hilarious! You live such an interesting life and I don’t know exactly how you juggle and manage your time with 7 kids (including the hubby). *wink It must be very exhausting but it sure looks a lot of fun to me. =)
Wanna come over for dinner some time?
lol
I’m surprised Leia didn’t refer to your hubby as the 8th kid, my wife would have
Bahahahaha! would she now?
Oh my God, I keep thinking that as my kids get older, they will get neater and we will have our place back. Mind you, we are city dwellers and we live in an apartment. Like you, barring a lottery win, we ain’t movin’ noplace. Maybe I should just give up and move my bed in the washing machine/pantry closet right now.
I’ll help you!
I feel for you, Sharon. I wanted to put the car into the garage, but it won’t fit. I have another building which we don’t use, so we decided to convert it into a garage. Looks like the reason we don’t use it is that it is full. Sooo, now we are cleaning it out so that we can convert it into a garage. I would just clean out the garage, but where would we put all of the stuff we have in there? A lose/lose situation.
LOL…yep…it’s a disease that’s is spreading
Another great read. I can always guarantee a laugh when I read your blog.
Why thank you
Does it make me a naughty Mommy to not tell my kids that I donated their stuff that’s been MIA since last November? I think I’ll contemplate that idea while buying a new shade of lipstick… xoxo
That’s my Caffe!
You can move, after the kids are grown. He chooses your stuff and you choose his.
Let the kids empty the house. They can keep what they want, give you 25% of the proceeds from what they sell, and dispose of the rest. They have to clean it up.
We actually did this.
Get outta here! Really? Luv it!
Nice! I found a new compromise to tell my SO “…when our daughter shows up on Star Search!”
Glad I could help
Even with out kids, I can relate to this post. Thanks for sharing.
Too much stuff!
Can’t wait for you to finish your book. It will be a must-buy for all new mothers! (But not until AFTER the baby arrives.)
LOL…hope you luv it!
Thanks for such a fun post. We ‘only’ got 3 ‘kids’… but same ‘stuff’ is happening here… like: where is everything… lol cheers Sharon
You betcha!
I love how supportive your husband is of your chaotic life
Isn’t he sumpthin’?
Great post – should consider com piling these into a book. Really enjoy your blog,
Thanks Martin…I’m actually working on that
Nothing says “daddy loves you” like flipping out and throwing the xbox onto the street and having it shatter into a million pieces. You haven’t done that? Me either!
I did just find out that they now make childrens Nyquil. let me tell ya that stuff is worth it’s weight in gold!!!!
I showed this to my wife and she spent the past 25 minutes laughing so hard tears were running down her legs. Yeah, that good LOL!
You rock Justin! Tell your wife depends work wonders for tears
Love this post! Reminds me of my own house too much. We have 3 kids and I can’t believe the mayhem they can dispense any day of the week. I can only imagine the kind of chaos in your’s with 6 kids. Clutter and lack of space? Story of our lives too.
A year ago I decided I’ve had enough and we trashed or gave away half of the stuff and for a while, the house became liveable again. These days, we’re starting to walk sideways in some corridors again, it’s like a never-ending cycle. Maybe we’ll get out of this constricted living when the kids are all grown up and out of the house? I wish. Thanks for sharing, Sharon.
Yes! Exactly! A never ending cycle!!!! UGH
Hahaha – Sharon, seriously, I’m laughing with you. I only had four children along with every kid in the neighborhood who seemed to like my house best. It really was fine with me, but the junk (treasure) you accumulate leaves you wishing for one small space to call your own. One with no crumbs, no peanut butter, no little cars or legos to step on – a place where only peace and quiet reign and yet, when you’re there, you wonder, “what are those kids up to”?
I just decided a long time ago to give up. I figured one day they will all be grown and I will wish someone was home making a mess. Now that my youngest is 26, I miss having them home, but willingly admit, I don’t miss the mess. BTW – the bigger the home, the more space you have to collect clutter and clean
Thanks for the laughs and the trip down memory lane. Have an awesome week
Why thank you, and I’m sure you’re right, if we have a bigger house, I’ll have more to vacuum, won’t i?
Hi Sharon, I usualy read more german and turkish blogs but your blog made me curious. So I did my best and tried to understand; I am happy that I was able to understand also the points in english and could enjoy your excellent blog
Hugsss from Switzerland
Wow…I’m really honored you gave my blog a try
Sounds an awful lot like my house! We often can’t locate needed items, as time is often harder to come by than money we frequently end up going to the store and buying a replacement knowing full well we already have several of the needed item somewhere. Invariably we find the missing item the next day and end up tripping over the duplicates ( or more) for months … right up to the point where we actually need it again … and the item/items are once more invisible.
I think we all live on the same block
What is the universal rule that says you can keep something for years in a box and never know it’s there but, throw it out, and two weeks later you really need it. Love your blog!
Um…that’s called the motherhood curse. Handed down from generation to generation for thousands of years
Very nice post, great and fun read thanks for sharing!
Thanks!
Gosh I can’t believe I missed this post! This sounds exactly like my house only I have two yorkies and four month old twins so I have NO excuse! Sharon you crack me up!
You had twins? Where I have been?
Our garage has become a storage room and now only one car fits in there!! Totally relating to the post.
Another funny post. I wonder if your inhaler migrated to one of my closets? I don’t recognize most of what I see in them
It’s red and white and has the message “drink me” from my 5 year old
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