Ever been sitting on your bathroom floor, rocking yourself back and forth trying to pretend that you can’t hear anymore, when suddenly one of your kids opens the door and says, “Guess what?”
Oh God. Not again, now what?
Are they going to tell me we have ants on the counter? Did someone poop in the bath tub? Are we all out of cheese or spaghetti o’s again?
I shudder whenever one of my children start a sentence off with a question. It leaves too much to the imagination and almost nothing surprises me anymore.
The last time one of my kids had begged me to guess what was stuck inside a wall, we had a 10 minute power surge and my now 6 year old had charred finger tips, 4 feet of static hair and we ended up with a melted army man stuck inside the outlet in 
their bathroom.
So my 11 year old is standing in front me with a look of horror, amusement on his face while he jumps from one foot to the other in excitement.
And it was so freaky that I hesitated to ask.
So I just looked at him in silence waiting for the suspense to be too much for him to keep quiet while he finally burst out, “There’s a huge hole in brothers wall.”
I drop my head down and shake it around as I ask, “And…????” To which he replies, “Well, someone’s arm is stuck in it. Wanna guess who’s?” And before I can say nope, I don’t, I hear the 16 year old yelling, “Stop trying to pull your arm out! You’re breaking it!”
So I race into the boys room where I see my daughter standing there with only the bottoms of her bathing suit on, a toothbrush in her mouth, her fathers dress up 
shoes on her feet and her right arm up to the shoulder in my sons bedroom wall.
My first obvious question? “Huh?”
My second? “Huh?”
And as 4 boys are giving me different stories, I’m trying to calm down a hysterical 5 year old and figure out how to get her arm free without calling the fire department.
Trying to pull her arm out didn’t work, that only made her scream louder and left itchy white stuff on the floors.
My other option? Make the hole bigger.
A few knocks here, a couple of knocks there and finally there was enough room for me to put my arm over my daughters and pull hers out.
This way I get all scratched up instead of her and can blame the cat when my husband asks why it looks like I’ve been shoving nails up my arm.
So after some soothing of the child and a little warm water, I was finally able to 
ascertain what actually transpired.
It seems a few months back the 13 year old had an attitude and had kicked his door open in a fit of hysterics, which resulted in a door knob size hole in his wall.
He had neglected to inform his father and myself of this little error in judgement to avoid punishment.
Well, once the 6 year old had found the hole he figured if he shoved a hammer in there, he could poke another hole in the wall to the bathroom.
Why?
Because he’s convinced his brothers steal his Nintendo DS games and plays them in the bathroom. He just needs proof.
I stared at son #5 in disbelief and asked, “What was your plan son?” Were you going to stick your head thru the wall and say, “Here’s Johnny!”
So when the hammer didn’t work, he thought maybe his sister’s arm could create a black hole large enough for him to perform his peeping Tom duties. All he had to do was convince her that there was candy behind the magic wall and she could eat as much as she could grab.
So I ran to the grocery store, bought some spakle, handed the boys putty knives, hard hats, goggles, told them to get to work and to repeat after me in case daddy ever notices, “It was like this when we moved in.”
this post alone offers enough terror for me to not want kids… lol
LOL
I love your writing. It’s so….visual! lol I can’t ever pick my favorite story but if my family is half as funny as yours I will be wetting myself with laughter all the time!
Aw, shucks. What a great compliment
LOL…I know the stress isn’t funny, but the things kids do is. All I can say is God Bless you
Mucho thanks
Have a Super Monday and a Rock and Roll Week!
Thanks Bob
Love it – glad to have you back in the land of the living!
I’m alive! A-L-I-V-E!
I remember some of the holes we put in the walls as kids. Watch me show you how to do a handstand, um whoops…
LOL…that’s funny!
Quite some creative problem solving skills they have their. If we can channel it into a productive problem we could get rid of malaria. I’m impressed!
Yes we could!
i love the way you write your stories, just as if you were telling them out loud, captivating and funny..well funny, maybe not for you:)
Oh no…it’s funny!
I’m glad I’m not the only one that sits on the bathroom floor, rocking, trying not to hear my kids! Smart and persuasive son you have, figuring out how to spy on his brother and get his sister to do the dirty work. It sounds like the work of a future politician. Thanks for a good laugh this morning!
He has the makings of a GREAT politician!
Ummm Darling? Next time, lock the bathroom door! lol xoxo
No! Is that what I forgot?
Five children,a lot of questions and of course a mountain of problems
You should see it when the 6th is home
That you manage to have good humor while you are so sick? A tribute to your fine temperament. Feel better soon and just think of the life skills your kids are learning.
I’m sure they’ll come in handy when I’m in a retirement home
Well, indeed you do seem to have a great time!
Every day…all day
Sharon,
I really love reading your Blog. It brings me back to my life of only a few years ago raising my 3 and home schooling them for over 10 years. There are days that I often ask myself “How Did I get through that” Ha!
Really? Why thank you
Mom the hero
Thank you, thank you…no applause, just money
Wow! You really bring this vignette in domestic destruction to life. And knowing how sick you’ve been, well, Sharon, you raise the bar on what it meant to be a patient and loving mother. ; )
Thank you much Liz
I remember a time when my brother got mad at me and took a hammer to the wall. Needless to say Mom was not happy and he never did that again.
I accidentally hit my brother in the head with a hammer. Long story. Might make a good blog post
Boy I am glad those days are over! Nice story though.
Thanks
And that is how you raise handyman sons! No one said it was easy! But the stories are fantastic!
Love, Mauntie
Luv you
Good story….I hope you feel better soon ! being sick sucks !
Thanks, I’m trying and thanks
Now that would have been a great picture, Sharon! I’ve tried to escape to the bathroom for a few moments of sanity many times, myself! And just like you, it never works! I’m glad your daughter’s arm is okay. What an adventure!
~Erin
OH, she’s fine…the wall, however…
Sounds like my house, I am cracking up. Love your blog.
Thank you!
I really love your blog. I’m afraid it really defines ‘schadenfreude’ or, as my pin up the Duc de la Rochefoucauld put it, ‘in the misfortunes of others there is always something that does not altogether displease us’. Oh yes. Mostly that it is not me in your situation.
But somehow you escape from your scrapes, and your children seem to be in one piece, so I’m guessing that in reality you are a great mother to have. Even if your children obviously do enjoy winding you up!
Great mother? *ahem* I wouldn’t ask the kids to vote on that
Oh … Sharon … you too? Although I did not wake up to my daughter’s arm stuck in the wall, I’ve had my share of darkness happen today. However, seems to me that you handled your situation very well whereas I just balled my eyes out. Blessings to you and your family!
Oh, I cry…believe that!
Came back to read it again. I am here for you! Anytime you want to laugh Sharon, I am here. LOL! I try to make it a point of laughing now-a-days instead of getting irate (as I’d like to)… Tired of being a grouchy mommy. Now I laugh while I discipline. Calley however, does not think it is funny. Blessings.
I think that’s funny
I was just thinking. If your kids suddenly became well behaved you would be out of business.
Feel better
I know! What would I do then?
This could so happen at my house. Way to go teaching them a new skill (spackle) and to fix what they broke!
And fib a little
One day everyone will laugh about this. In my experience, that one day is a long way off – or until they start dating and you have a priceless story to tell that makes them uncontrollably cringe. Think of this as future leverage, it will keep you from pulling out hair.
What hair?
Oh the mind of children – I hear devious laughter in my mind now
I hear it coming from the bathroom
Those boys!! My life by comparison seems boring. Though, I am trying to find out why the boy thought it was a good idea to fill a zip lock bag with water and leave it sitting there overnight.
LOL
Thanks for sharing
You bet
just another average ol day being a mom eh
vivid as usual…you deserve a calgon moment!
Yup
Heh.. I was thinking that having 3 kids is a “never a dull moment” in my life… LOL
Yup…one takes all your time,two takes all your time…
Wait to they Grow UP
I do have one grown up
I’m glad that she managed to get her hand out in the end. It’s really scary to be stuck in the wall. Glad to hear that the hole has been patched.
Yes, she did
oh dear, is this what I am in for? My son is 19 months old. this story was funny and terrifying all wrapped up into one!
Some days are normal around here
That is hillarious! I’m guessing it’s definitely never boring or quiet at your house! lol. I’m glad your little girl is okay. I guess this is what I have to dread and look foward to at the same time when my little kids get older. take care! hillarious post.
Thanks:)
Never boring and quiet only at bedtime
LOL!! That sounds like an episode of Leave it to Beaver except, I don’t think June would have just told Ward what happened. LOL!!
And she wouldn’t have been wearing sweats
Even the very first line is something ANY parent can relate to. Why is it you are always needed most when you are in the washroom hoping for a break, or your KIDS are in the washroom, and you’re hoping to get something done. When it comes to holes in the wall, when all else fails: hang a picture on it:)
Great post.
Timing…timing…timing
This post makes me glad I only have ONE son!!!! =)
ha ha!
Hi Sharon!
Your family stories are so vivid and funny! I was recently awarded the Liebster Blog Award and I’m passing it on to you. I really enjoy reading your blog. Please read more about the award here: http://1epicmom.com/2012/05/02/wbhtyd51/
Cheers,
Char
Wow! Thank you! I’m headed to your blog now
Unfortunately, I completely understand this whole story!!!
I came here from Epic blog..where she recommend your blog.
I am now your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.
Thank you!
Wow! Your sweet little girl got swindled by her big brothers :/
But of course
HaHaHa!!! This is brilliant… one of your best! xxx
Golly…thanks