This One Time, My Kids Made Their Own Band Camp…

singingAnd why did they do this? I still have no idea. It’s not as if any of them were born with the pipes to sing, “The Hills Are Alive” and actually sound good at it.

Sadly they were all born having inherited my ability to sing nothing better than the ABC’s.

So…was this band idea set up to torture me for something I’d done while they were in the womb? Or maybe it was because they like to watch me cry every time they tried to sing “A Boy Named Sue.”

And how did this all begin anyway, you may be wondering?

Well, I’m thinking it all started one rainy day last month when son number five announced he was going to find a way to get recognized, and letter in music class for, “How to use your body as musical instruments.”

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But because of his age he still wasn’t sure if there was a way to earn a letter for something while only in grammar school and needed my help.

Well, what help could I be, I wondered. I know nothing about lettering in anything if your under the age of puberty.

But maybe we could come up with something else that would be a littlehere comes the bandr more appropriate for grade school.

So I asked if maybe he would be interested in track and field?

No, he said. He didn’t want to run around the slide and sand box with his little sisters baton in his hands while his over-sized red and blue shorts fell around his ankles.

“Okay then,” I said. “Perhaps wrestling might be your thing. After all, you’re pretty good at it on my living room furniture.”

“Mom, I’m not looking for a lobotomy and some tights.”

“I’m just plum out of ideas son. Maybe you should stick with playing the triangle or the glockenspiel after all.”

“Forget it mom. I’m just going to make my own band camp, but you can make the letter for me.”

Great. I couldn’t wait.

So…how does a mother realize her kids are actually talented enough to create their own band camp?

First, you must hbandave at least one son in your family. We have five…

Secondly, it helps if the youngest child is a girl who copies and mimics everything her older brothers do. Yup, got that.

Third and perhaps most important, your children must attempt at every possible opportunity to use their bodies to create sounds. All of ours have been doing this since birth, so…check.

Now, where do children practice making music with their bodies when their father forbids them to burp out loud in his presence?

The neighbors patio while they’re on vacation.

Which was fine with me. It gave me a chance to practice singing the famous country song, “I Don’t Know whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling” without breaking anymore kitchen windows.

Anyway, the day had finally come when the children announced that they were ready for their first rehearsal.

With me as the only audience. And that day was today.

The day I woke up with 102 degree fever and my head weighing 90lbs.nurse with coke

So I swallowed a bottle of Tylenol, inhaled three larges glasses of coke, hiccuped and sat up in bed ready to hear their masterpiece.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, my children surrounding my bed using only their bodies and my kitchen necessities to make music while my head is on fire.

The 17 year old used his ability to crack his toes at will as the bass, the 14 year old burped in rhythm with the 12 year old, who was busy keeping the tempo with his left hand under his right armpit.

My daughter was sitting on my bed using her head on my pots and pans as she kept the time with the seven-year-old, who was busy using his vampire length finger nails on the bedroom window to cause the dog to howl along with them.

When the evil show was finally over, I applauded and coughed out, “Wow…I never realized what  amazing musical instruments you all were born with.”

And that was the part where Shawn leaned over and asked for his letter.

Which I never got arokids bandund to making.

So I  made the letter “L” with thumb and finger and held it up to my forehead.

He looked at me, smiled and said, “I love you too mommy.”

Whew…that was close.

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67 thoughts on “This One Time, My Kids Made Their Own Band Camp…

  1. Your kids are creative geniuses! I hope you video tape them. That’s a precious moment that needs to be immortalized. Isn’t it amazing how much they love us and how much we sacrifice so they know we love ‘em back? Great job, mom. You must be doing something right.

  2. My older son was fake sneezing tonight and my baby was laughing at him hysterically. Guess my kids were working on their own band camp while traveling to the school to pick up my daughter from her UIL band performance.

  3. How do our kids always know the exact WORST time to make noise? And why do I always succumb to their pleas to “watch me!” It’s all mommy guilt, I think, for the 2 or 3 glasses of wine I had during each of my pregnancies. ;)

  4. OMG! This made me LOL for real! I have 6 boys and 1 girl so I feel you pain!!! My oldest is 13 though and my youngest is 3, my girl is 5 with a twin bro…so in actuality, she might as well be a boy too (with a princess twist). Thanks for the smile and laugh!

  5. I was expecting a few other body noises.. :-) OMG that is too funny! Your stories are the “scripts” for sitcoms

  6. As always, you crack me up! My two like to pick up their instruments and play together. Neither are in tune and the younger is always mad that she can’t play as well as her brother who has been playing for 2 years more than she has! Why is it they always want to share when I have a headache? Clearly, these kids have fgured out that we’ll give anything to make them go away!

  7. where can I sign my kids up for this camp!!! “children must attempt at every possible opportunity to use their bodies to create sounds.” We have that!!! IF AN HOUR GOES BY WITH OUT SOME NOISE–THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP!!! =)

  8. So funny! :) It sounds like a great time! :) I remember those crazy times when my kids were small. Now they’re 25, 21 and 19, all still live at home, and it’s still like a nuthouse over here! :)

  9. I am almost finished with your book!! It is awesome to read while I’m at the gym. I’m so into it that I don’t even realize that I’m finished on the machine!!! Bravo Mrs. Madhouse!

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