Resolutions Schmesolutions…It’s New Years Confessions Time!

bye 2013In my whole life I think I’ve only kept one New Years resolution and that was back in 1990 when I swore I’d never participate in natural child birth again.

And as this year was winding to a close I decided to do a little self reflection, and after 11 whole minutes I managed to conclude that 2013 sucked.

Let’s face it, I’ve had rotten years before but this year nearly had me take a three month vacation at the Breckenridge home for the mentally damaged.

And so I am REALLY thrilled to say good-bye to the year that saw my oldest son call me by my first name, my daughter no longer calling me Debbie but Cruella, I stopped sleeping three nights a week because my of my new friend, RLS, I stopped posting/blogging on a daily basis because my funny kept getting lost along with my socks and spoons and the Madhouse family suffered the loss of twins when I miscarried earlier in the year.

So as I was sitting here on my cheap divan it suddenly occurred to me that any attempt at resolutions for this new year would be a complete waste of time. (As usual)

But maybe…just maybe, if I started “confessing” my errors in judgement rather than trying to forget about them and move on, I could possibly be in for the best year of my life!

And thus we shall now look at my sins of 2013:

#1.   I still haven’t tried bulls balls.happy new year everyone

#2.  No one can confirm that Carly Simon didn’t write that song about me.

#3.  I don’t care what anyone says, I’m convinced that Barry Manilow and Penny Marshall are the same person.

#4.   I’ve only watched, “What does the fox say” once.

#5.   After a celebrity dies I go like their facebook fan page and follow them on twitter.

#6.   Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love” is still a tear jerker.

#7.   50% of my LOL’s really weren’t.

#8.   Shark week has never excited me.

#9   I’ve already forgotten what the Harry Potter movies were about.

#10.  Sometimes I don’t brush my teeth until after I’ve had my coffee.

#11.  I didn’t know what twerking was until Miley.

#12.  I take extra napkins from fast food places and stuff them in my glove box.

#13.  My aunt gvintage girl happ new yearot more street cred this year than I did.

#14.  I always forget to tell someone that someone else asked me to tell them hi.

#15.  Little House on the Prairie re-runs still make me cry.

#16.  I giggle when someone says “nips.”

#17.  I stopped saying the “S” word on facebook once my priest sent me a friends request.

#18.  I didn’t watch one, single black and white movie in 2013 with Katherine Hepburn in it.

#19.  I fast forwarded through almost all of “Event Horizon” and told my husband I was finally able to watch the whole thing.

#20.  I had a dream that Don Johnson wanted to be my boyfriend.

#21.  Sometimes I exaggerate my blog posts.

#22.  Every time I hear the song “Paralyzer” on the radio I turn it all the way up and bang my steering wheel.

#23.  I’ve never read “50 shades of grey” since I already have that all over my laundry room walls.

#24.  I’ve checked “like” on facebook posts that I didn’t really like.angel happy new year

#25.  I tweet for money.

#26.  I forgot to recycle on purpose just to make my point.

#27.  Sometimes, after I fold all of the laundry, I leave it in piles on the hall floor.

#28.  I have a crush on Loki. Well, and on Thor too…but especially Loki.

#29.  Sandpaper gives me the heebie jeebies.

#30.  That “accidental un-friending” wasn’t really an accident.

#31.  I called some of our politicians bad names this year.

#32.  I’m still rooting for Jennifer Aniston.

#33.  I’d rather shoot a rapist than get on all fours and moo to try to scare him away.

#34.  I use ghappy new yearoogle to help me spell check.

#35.  I pretend the remote control is lost so the kids can’t change the channel.

#36.  I sniff my kids markers and glue bottles when they aren’t looking.

And finally…#37.  I’m still waiting for Sam Elliot to take me for a ride on his Harley and tell me that only I can prevent wild fires.

And there you have it…my 2013 in review. Pretty rad, huh? LOL <<< (not really LOL’ing)

(Oh…and please vote for the moms madhouse blog for top hilariously funny blog! Click here and scroll to moms madhouse and click the heart button…THANK YOU!)

 

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57 thoughts on “Resolutions Schmesolutions…It’s New Years Confessions Time!

  1. Oh I feel you on the folded laundry left in piles – that’s totally my sin too! Twerking – weird lol!
    Happy New year my friend – I bet it will be an awesome one!

  2. I really enjoyed going through your sins of 2013. We all have a difficult time sticking to our resolutions. I keep postponing to the next month until December and it hits me, i got to make a new year resolution on top of the one i had made. Thanks.

  3. I’m NOT so big on resolutions either and seriously just want 2014 to be better then 2013…on the lighter side ( and thank the LORD above we have that or we’d be “vacationing” together ) I love #21 #23 and have done #35 so many times LOL <–real =D

  4. What a great list! I know I loved Katherine Hepburn and I like black and white movies. Makes me feel like in true wonderland. lol! Little House on the Prairie makes me cry too! lol!

  5. Here from the group at vB.

    #1. Some people would take it as a good thing that Rocky Mountain Oysters have not been on their menu.

    #11. Me too. And I still don’t care. Although it did clear up for me what exactly she was selling, and it hasn’t been any musical talent she might have. Most people that do that for money wind up with a police record.

    #23. *LOL* For reals.

    #28. So how do you feel about what the Hulk did to Loki in that movie?

    #37. Can I borrow Sammy when you’re done with him? :p

  6. I hope that 2014 is nicer to you than 2013. I love all of your resolutions and hope that when you lol and like my posts they are for real. :) I have always love how you can use humor to find the positive in crazy situations.

    If you got the TP spit wads off of the ceiling, you can send them to TLC’s cheapskates, they will be happy to have “free” gifts.

  7. Oh my goodness…. First, every time I visit your page, I am reminded of 50’s Prime Time Café at Walt Disney World. The decor matches yours and the humor too. I love a restaurant where the server pulls up a seat and asks, “Can we talk?” And then brings out cupcakes to smash to bits just because!

    Anyway — love you. Love your blog. Love you in spite of your insistence that Barry Manilow and Penny Marshall are the same person. Such an insult to Penny Marshall. :)

    Voted for you! (now go vote for me???)

  8. Lol. And mine for you are always real. I could write it about fifteen times from reading this post, but will, for the sake of brevity, just use one. I am working on a review of my “word” of the year and my resolutions before picking new ones for this year. Things have been slow going, but reading this post for the second time is helping get me motivated to get those posts written, thanks.

    I submitted a review to amazon.com for your book, so sorry it took me so long, life this past year sucked rocks and got in the way so much of doing good and fun stuff and even everyday life, especially good stuff online, and then computer problems as well made it harder to get anything done without committing murder on it, by dropping it out my window. If you click onto “see all reviews” button it will come up for you first as most recently posted review. I just recently joined at bandn.com and posted the review there as well, but it hasn’t been reviewed and approved yet.

    Good and healing thoughts to you and yours.

    Love,

    Kate

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