I don’t know why I felt like writing a song, Lord knows I could never sing it…I sound like a dying cat howling after running too fast and smashing into a brick wall.
And the last time I tried to carry a tune, well…we don’t like to talk about it much over here, but needless to say two of my kids still claim to be deaf in one ear each.
Alas, I will never be a professional singer but that’s no reason not to try my hand at an Al Yankovic and try to make my mark in the world.
And so, with no further wasted words, here is my new Christmas Carol dedicated to the sweets I must always eat during this time of the year…appropriately called:
I remember Christmas nights, sneaking candy by my side.
Shadows of a can, frosting on my tongue, smilin’ to myself,
The sweets go straight into my thighs the next day;
Tragic calories pass my way. Hoping they’ll go away,
I see a memory, I never realized how fatty sweets make me.
Oh Candy well, you came and you gave without fading,
And I ate you away. Oh, Candy,
Well you caught me and made me your soul mate,
And I won’t be losing weight.. .
I need to run from candied lime;
I can’t hide when candy is mine.
Caught up in a world of chocolate buying,
The joy is in my mouth and nothin’ is hiding.
Oh Candy well, you came and you gave me that weight gain
But I ate you away.
Oh, Candy well, you tempt me and kept me from cravings
And I need you away, Oh, Candy!
Christmas is a dream, it’ll be rewarding
Eating you’s a tease, my will is appalling
Well, you came and you stuck to my chassie
And I pulled you my way oh, Candy
Well, you tempt me and kept me from cravings
But I need you away Oh, Candy
Well you stayed and you laid and you shaped me
And I need you away oh, Candy
Well, you blitzed me and stopped me from cravings
And I need YOOOUUUU…
So…whaddya think? Tony winning material?
I hope someone thinks so because I just played Mandy on youtube.com for my kids and my husband as I sang my version and two of the boys are now crying in the corner, my daughter is sucking her thumb, the other two boys just rammed their heads in the walls and my husband left to go buy himself some beer.
Whassup with that?
Well, okay…I admit it, I sort of suck at this. But hey, don’t we all get Mandy stuck in our heads and sing “Candy” instead?
And with that I will you leave you with Man himself singing his classic tune that all of us Fanilows still consider to be one of his best songs EVAH!
Plus it might help you to hear the melody as you sing my version along with him.
Take it away Barry!