Married, Stay At Home Moms Vs. Working Moms Vs. The Single, Working Feminists…Who Wins?

Two ingo-somewhere-and-judge-people-teresting blog posts came my way this week, and they got me thinking about the role of the female.

The first post was a put down of the stay at home mom while the second focused on the “secrets” of a happily married woman…

And both made me laugh.

Let’s be honest y’all…The “Sisterhood” is a fantasy that will never be realized because the good Lord above graced His planet with only two sexes and in so doing, He left the door wide open for bitter comparisons that will never, EVER, go away.

And I’m good with that…but that’s just me.

First I’ll address an article written by Amy Glass called “I look down on young woman with husbands and kids and I’m not sorry for it.” Which I’m linking to here.

And if you choose to read it and you’re a young woman(young being subjective)with a husband, kids and you stay home, just be prepared, depending on your disposition, to be mildly irked or really pissed off.

Me being me just laughed and said a little prayer for Miss Amy’s soul, because she’s pretty if you lean u can cleanangry about something that has no direct impact on her life.

And to give credit where it’s due, I’ll admit that she did have a point.

At least when it comes to me.

She wrote: “It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.”

And she’s correct. I do talk about it and it’s not so I don’t have to explain my lack of accomplishments, but so I don’t have to explain why I didn’t accomplish something.

What our little Miss Amy is missing in her rant against the SAHM, (that would be an acronym for “stay at home mom” for those of you in Rio Linda) is that once a woman makes the choice to quit working and take care of family, suddenly everyone wants/needs her to do something.

All…the…time.

I’m taking a stand here and admitting that there are times when I should be doing some mundane chore and I choose not to. Rather, I sit on my fanny and decide the toilets can wait because Judge Judy is on.

Or perhaps I choose not run an errand because I want to wash the lint off my laundry room walls first queenand knowing if I ran the errand I’d put off wall washing for a least another week.

Little Amy isn’t in a position where she’s had to choose between her corporate status and her family yet, but when she does, I’m willing to bet it may not be as easy as she thinks, because one thing the SAHM has figured out after she’s had kids and quit working is that everyone in the “corporate world” is replaceable.

But a mom isn’t.

Miss Amy believes that mountain climbing or becoming an executive is more important than raising the next generation of useless eaters, and while getting raises and awards from an employer can feed an ego, you can’t take it with you when you die.

Sure, maybe Miss Amy could become the first woman president, but after she’s dead it won’t make any difference because she’ll be D-E-A-D.

And the dead don’t care…

The only thing that is forever is family. You can either have one where the kids need therapy as adults because mommy didn’t hug them enough as a child, or you can have one where mom may have looked a hot mess, but she was there.

I don’t know about Miss Amy, but I’d like to think my descendants would rather know that Iwell behaved woman broke the cycle of physical, sexual and substance abuse that runs so rampant in my family for generations by being home for my kids rather than read about how I was one of many nameless woman who became some president of some company.

Miss Amy and others like her suffer from what Freud called “penis envy.”

They don’t like their wombs being used to give birth to men, therefore, all women should hate it.

Personally I’m a fan of my womb and I’m pretty sure my husband and my kids agree, but Miss Amy is entitled to her opinion and while she angrily types on her blog and tells the world that women’s goals should be not to share her body with a baby, I’ll just sit here and match socks while I help my kids with their homework.

Besides, I like my family a whole lot more than anyone I ever met in the corporate world.

Secondly, Theresa Thomas wrote about the 12 secrets of a happily married woman here.

And though I agreed with her more than I disagreed, I still laughed because if anyone ever asked lazyme how to be a happily married woman I’d say, “Why ya cryin’? You knew he squeezed the toothpaste from the middle when you married him!”

Now, I don’t want to poke fun at Theresa because she’s a Catholic mom, like moi…though she’s had three more kids than I, which makes me think she’s a fan of her womb too, but I do want to politely disagree with her.

She writes that happily married women exercise, eat well and take care of their appearance.

Okay…I get it, but I can be just as happy by assembling a bunk bed all by myself rather than climbing fake stairs and I personally find more enjoyment eating french toast over a bran muffin and even though I do care that I don’t scare away the kids friends when I answer the door, I will not put on make-up just to impress my cat while I’m home.

Why?

Because if I had to depend on the cat for my self worth I would have committed suicide by now.

Theresa writes a happily married woman nurtures her intellect and has a softness and a compassion about her while maintaining her manners.of course

I think my old neighbor would dispute that.

Considering that she dropped out of high school, never read a book that didn’t have a picture of a half dressed warrior on the cover, the only time she was ever soft was when she used conditioner in her hair  and she could burp louder than my dog…yet this woman told me she was living large and loving it.

How?

She and her husband had really low expectations of the world and just liked being together. I personally thought they could use a make-over all over, but that’s just me.

Numbers seven and eight stated that happily married women encourage their husbands to spend time with their male friends and greet their man with a smile, eye contact and a hug.

Okay, okay…but here’s my version: encourage your husbands to spend time with his buddies so he’ll be out of the way and be sure to greet him when he comes home because while he may be a stinker, he loves you.

If he didn’t, he’d be going to a hotel with some “dancer” named Bambi.

Theresa says hacant scare me i have kidsppily married women have a sense of humor.

Every SAHM has a sense of humor. If she didn’t, she’d be at work…

Finally, numbers 10, 11 and 12 state that the happily married woman has high expectations, anticipate their husbands needs and have a servants heart.

I have low expectations. Mainly because I know that I’m not promised tomorrow and too many expectations lead to disappointment.

Ever seen my kids bathrooms? Nuff said…

Number 11 is easy. What was is Jeff Foxworthy said? Oh yeah, “I want a beer and I want to see something naked.” So…I send my husband to the fridge for his beer while I unclog the toilet and he’s usually greeted by one of my daughters naked dolls in the vegetable drawer.  ;)

And finally…the servants heart. Well, if you’re married and have kids…need I say more?

I’d like to add number 13 if I may, since I know too many of these. Don’t be a martyr, save that for those who really martyr themselves in the name of freedom of religion, speech, blah blah blah…every mom cooks and cleans and not all of us think we deserve recognition for it.

But the occasional “HOLY CRAP MOM! THIS STUFF WAS THE BEST DINNER EVER” is good enough.50's familly hug

So…who wins? The working mom, the SAHM or the single, working feminist type?

I don’t know…that’s different for every female…

But I’ve been single and there’s a reason why I’m not anymore. We were all created to “fit” with someone else and once you find that someone there’s no need to pretend you’d rather have a plaque saying you were employee of the month over that someone who kisses you and says, “I love you.”

I was a working mom. I worked from the time I was 15 until I was pregnant with child number five and there’s not enough chocolate in Willy Wonka’s factory to make me choose that life style again. (But it’s close)

Telling my child no to something because I didn’t have time for them because I was working proved to me that if a woman can, and she’s willing, then there’s no place like home.

Except for maybe the day spa…

So for me, the SAHM wins. (Who could also be a WAHM, a SAHD or a WAHD)

Oh…and the family wins too.

good wife guideMiss Amy can go pound salt…I’m going to sing two lullabies to my daughter.

After I finish the kitchen, the laundry, the bathrooms and get my husband a beer…  ;)

(Psst…I desperately need your help. My blog was nominated for the Hilariously Funny Blog and I forgot all about it the last three weeks and my blog is waaaaaay down. Could you please click here, only if you think I deserve to win, scroll down to “Moms Madhouse” and vote. PA-LEEEZE!!!!! Thanks!!!!)

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90 thoughts on “Married, Stay At Home Moms Vs. Working Moms Vs. The Single, Working Feminists…Who Wins?

  1. I think there is no correct answer. I believe it is up to each individual..and no matter who takes what side each side is arrogant in their own way. Whether it’s those that believe SAHM wins..or those that don’t…arrogance abounds from all sides from what I’ve seen. Who gives a crap what a mother does. It’s noone’s business to begin with. As long as there isn’t abuse there is no “right” way. ANY psychiatrist will tell you …there is NO right side……so what if I have to tell my children no bc i’m busy..there’s no harm in the word no….just like there’s no harm in the word yes.

    There is power though in time well spent…you can spend 30 hrs with your kids and it be time wasted…or 3 hrs and it be beautiful time. It’s up to each individual…….there’s value in ALL types of motherhood…ALL

    • And I’ve been all types of mom. Single mom working, single mom not working, married mom working, married mom not working, and I still say being a SAHM wins…for me and for my family.

      As for what “all” psychiatrists would say, well…I don’t have enough time in the day to track them all down, so I’ll just have to take your word on it :)

      Best wishes :)

  2. Wait…WHAT??? Amy Glass doesn’t have kids, is that right? So I’m confused about how she can compare how fulfilling parenting is to anything else. I haven’t backpacked in Asia, for example, but I’ve backpacked in Europe and in a way I guess it was kind of like parenting…I didn’t shower as much as I should and I shared my living quarters with lots of loud people. Yes, it was fulfilling, but for me it wasn’t NEARLY as fulfilling as parenting my kids. Argh. Now I’m mad at myself for getting all riled up by someone who is probably just stirring the pot to get attention.

    ANYWAY, *this* blog post was great and, despite the spike in my blood pressure, got me thinking. Especially about how I could maybe be a teeny weeny little bit better of a wife. While maintaining my own low expectations and lack of a servant’s heart, of course. That’s not gonna change any time soon, I’m afraid.

    • I don’t get it either, but it’s always been that way. The venom spewed out from one group of females towards to another just because of their choices.

      Granted, I was a bit sarcastic towards Amy is my post, but it proves my point…there is no sisterhood and there never will be. And that’s okay :)

  3. My favorite line: “Little Amy isn’t in a position where she’s had to choose between her corporate status and her family yet, but when she does, I’m willing to bet it may not be as easy as she thinks, because one thing the SAHM has figured out after she had kids and quit working is that everyone in the “corporate world” is replaceable.”

    That woman is just ridiculous (Little Amy). I love your clever and quips on both articles. xoxo

    • Why thank you Andrea darling. Let’s just pray that little Amy finds a more creative way to deal with her anger issues :)

  4. BEST LINES– everyone in the “corporate world” is replaceable. MOM IS NOT!— Every SAHM has a sense of humor. If she didn’t, she’d be at work…ROTdirtykitchenFLMfatbehindOff =D
    I herd about these post too and I just had to stay away…I’ve been a single working young NAIVE woman, a working Mom and a SAHM—at different times in my life; I found what was best for me and if others didn’t like my choice -it’s NOT their life.

    • Amen girl. I’ve been a single, working non-mom, a single, working mom, a single, not working mom, a married working mom and a SAHM. I like he SAHM job best!

  5. Wonderfully written!!!! I gave up a law career to be a SAHM. Almost 20 years ago. People still ask if I’ll go back. People still ask if I miss it.

    Ummmm…..

    If I missed it that much, I’d have gone back by now! Really, people! Instead, I chose to become a SAHM and manage our household well. I chose to play with my kids and eat at home and all that… And I don’t regret it for a second. Willy Wonka can keep his chocolate. :)

    • And that’s hunky dory with me. Not everyone “gets” the role, or even likes the role, of the SAHM. But SAHM’s and their families do. :) We give up a lot to stay home. Vacations, bigger houses, nicer cars…it’s a life style choice and one size doesn’t fit all :P

      • I didn’t give up vacations, bigger houses, or nicer cars when I stopped working to stay home with my kids. We merely found that, with gas and child care and scheduling and lunches and everything else, we were only pocketing about $300 per month. I worked full time {about 45 hours per week}, so the realization of how little I was actually seeing for my efforts was disconcerting. Of course I do enjoy being home with my daughter, but I don’t ever want it said that I’m this awesome being who gave up riches to be with her. It just happened to work out financially that my working didn’t make a dang difference, so why bother doing it? And I think for the lower-end middle-income / higher-end poverty-income families, this is often true. Which makes the choice much less “awesome” and just one of financial common sense. And I’m only putting this out there because you phrased this particular comment in such a way as to indicate that all SAHMs give up this higher-class lifestyle when they decide to stay home, and it’s just simply not always true. For our family, we’d be poor whether I worked or not, so working seemed stupid. Now I get to stay home and wallow in my poverty all day. Yippee!

        • LOL! I guess I did phrase it a bit differently than I hoped it would have sounded. I should proof read more. There are a number of SAHM’s, myself included, who did have to make the choice to give up a bigger house because I was bringing home decent money. But I know plenty of others, like yourself, who realized they were either giving up very little cash, or even coming out even, by having someone stay home :)

  6. I think both sides of this coin have good points and bad. I have never settled down and it is looking like I never will. I enjoy my freedom too much but at the same time there is something missing. I often wonder what it would have been like to have kids and raise a family. In many ways I am envious of your life choices and sure I could change the path I am on and enter the game a little later than most. That is when the freedom and the adventure my life has been come into play and no matter how green the grass appears on your side of the fence, I will never climb over.

    • Good for you Candace…you know what works for you and you don’t “hate” others for choosing different. Atta girl…that’s why I like you and you know what? I’m a little envious of your choices too ;)

  7. I am a SAHM and my husband works from home. It isn’t always easy but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Family is my top priority. Thanks for sharing these articles and your opinions. I really appreciate it!

  8. LOL Okay I giggled through this entire post to be honest Little Miss Amy sounds like a whack job!! How the heck can she write about being a stay at home mom if she never was one?
    The part you Highlighted here:
    ~~~it’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.~~~

    As a stay at home mom I can safely tell her no matter what she does in her life, her accomplishments will never rise to mine. Because being the mother of 2 amazing little boys is so much bigger then anything she could ever possible do and/or done. I’m happy with my life and can careless is people like Amy approve

  9. Well I didn’t read Amy’s article,( I don’t have time for stupid pre cat ladies who will die alone), I have been a mom and I have been a stay at home mom who runs her own company and works with Fortune 500 companies while driving carpool. My kids never spent a day in day care and I never regretted being home with them and working outside the box.

    Sharon, Sister. You got the the love of a passel of kid and a good man. There is no job in the world better than that. YOU GO GIRL!

    • And I’m proud that my younger two never had a day in daycare either! So there Amy, pfft!

      And you my dear, also have the love of a wonderful man and two boys who love their mom! WINNING!!!! :P

  10. We support working moms in our company. To find the right model might take a while, as everyone is different.

    I don’t understand why a womon should stay home only with kids. If she like, it might be OK, but after a while it could be ….. don’t want to say boring, but you know what I mean.

    Detlev

    • Oh yes, it can be boring sometimes…but so can a job. I stay home so my kids always have me here. Example, just this morning my six year old woke up with a fever and a sore ear, so I’m here with her and not having to worry about finding a sitter to take time off work. Yesterday my 15 year old needed to come home only an hour after school started…it’s different for all :)

  11. Great post! I just love when single women decide to judge and write articles about SAHMs & WAHMs. They have no clue about real life yet they keep giving us their opinions & telling us who we are & what is wrong with our lives. I find it hilarious :)

  12. I think as long as we are all trying to be the best moms to our kids in the ways that we can, then the kids win and we all win. Doesn’t matter the situation.

  13. I have been in all of the positions above and I will have to say that a SAHM actually works harder than the average employee. We aren’t paid and if we were, our estimated salary would be over $100k a year for all of the tasks that we do in a given day. Tell Amy, that your salary is higher than hers. :) I personally suck as a stay at home mom and it can get lonely. But at the end of the day, I like being here for my children should they get sick. In the corporate world, if you miss too many days because you had to call out for each time the child got sick it is frowned upon. In fact, I had this very issue because I actually had time off on the books and my husband just started a new job. They wondered why all of a sudden why I started calling off, even though I would bring dr’s notes. My bosses were males who didn’t understand that mom’s have to stay at home with sick babies, oh wait their wives did it so that they could continue to go to work. Imagine that. Anyhow, I am going to go check out Amy’s post because I might have a few words for her too.

    • Good for you Christy baby! And I remember very well how my male bosses hated when I called out to be with my kids. It wasn’t so long ago that “most” moms stayed home. Everyone expected it, now we SAHM’s and WAHM’s are ridiculed and judged :(

  14. I indeed enjoyed a lot reading your blog.Thank you for offering me access to such a page that both entertains and enlightens.

  15. I believe that both are just as good, it’s more personal preference. I know my personal plans are to have a successful career first (I’m 20) and be the career woman and then later on settle down and be a stay at home mom. Obviously my plans aren’t what everyone wants nor will it work for them. It depends on the woman, some are meant to be stay at home moms and some are meant to be career women. I know women who have been one or the other and in each instance they’ve been happy with their life path, I think that in the end that’s all that matters, if it works for you.

    • Brianna, you are so young and you have your whole life in front of you. My plans were exactly the same as yours and I wish you tons of luck!

  16. Little minded people make judgements….real women empower each other. There is not an answer for the debate. But, there has never been a woman on her death bed who said….I wish I had made more money for my boss. There are many who said….I love my children.

    Bestest blog I have read today….go for it. Like your honesty and your style.

    • Haha! I love your sentence, “there has never been a woman on her death bed who said….I wish I had made more money for my boss.” I’m totally laughing over here :)

  17. I am not sure I am qualified to answer this question.

    My wife and I are very fortunate to both work out of home offices and have a nanny full time. So, we really get the best of both worlds.

    I can tell you that I am very tired keeping the kids all day when the nanny can’t make it.

    Good article!

  18. Love this article Sharon! Just imagine the looks I get when people hear we have six children at home and on top of that, I homeschool them all! LMBO I would not have it any other way. Yes, sometimes it gets a little ho hum but hey, that is what Girls Night Out is for!

    • Gurl…you are my hero! I only have five at home right now since my oldest is in the Navy, but homeschooling six???? You are the best example of a SAHM!

  19. Great points there, Sharon!

    This might come across as patronizing since I am a male and live in India. But I’ve been trying to explain the very things you’ve written in your post to women for years… The only issue is that none of them seem to want to accept it… They believe that a woman sitting at home (even by choice) has no life, and end up indulging in gossip, TV, etc. Hope more women read and understand your post.

    • Thank you Vishal! I hope it may help inspire at least one woman to realize staying home is not a burden, but rather a blessing.

  20. Haha. This whole article made my day. I am a working mom but I work from home which seems to make things even harder in some senses. I think that society is so judgmental these days and instead of trying to figure out how to help each other, we (Amy) sit around trying to figure out how to make each other’s lives mean less than ours.

    Personally I couldn’t be a stay at home mom completely. Kudos to all who do, but I can’t seem to find that balance between me time and baby time when I can’t focus on something else like a work project (however big or small that is).

    You definitely put out some great points in this article and I will look forward to other posts!

  21. O, I recognise a lot here. I work from home (part-time) and look after our little one (part-time… well, kinda). I guess it’s different for everyone, but for me this is the ideal solution. I get to do what I like and fulfill some of my ambitions, while at the same time, being there for my baby as well.

    I ♥ed this bit: “[...] everyone in the “corporate world” is replaceable. But a mom isn’t.” So true!

    Thank you

    • You think so? I guess I missed where I was a hypocrite since I said no one wins and it’s different for every female, but thanks for setting me straight ;)

    • Exactly what I said…there is no right answer, it’s different for every female. Hey…if you happen to know “Amy” can you tell me…was she serious or was she being a troll?

  22. It definitely depends on the woman. It’s just ridiculous to compare roles and circumstances, because we’re all so different. I’m a SAHM who used to be a single “career woman,” and I will admit that my career was much more stressful and high-profile than being a stay-at-home-mom. HOWEVER, I also received recognition for the work I did, and occasionally I even had a vacation. I rarely feel appreciated as a SAHM mom, but that’s not why I do it. And let’s be honest…being a SAHM is like the movie Groundhog’s Day over and over again. It NEVER ENDS. And there are no vacations. If anything, vacation with kids is even worse than being at home. Also, I’ve been alone with a sick toddler and snowed in for two days now. I’d like to see Ms. Amy deal with that. ;) I do it because like you, I know that in the end, family matters. Raising a child is an incredible accomplishment, all on its own (just my opinion).

  23. To everything there is a season…. and self esteem is a decision to be true to who you are and not what others think is right. So as long as you are following your own desires, plans and know what you want in life, it matters only that you are doing everything that correlates with that.
    It’s hopeless to compare, useless to live up to what others think is right, and pointless to live the life that others give credit for.
    Is how I see it.

  24. I knew the second I heard of Amy Glass’s article that she didn’t have kids. No mom out there would make such ridiculous remarks. While I believe every family works in their own way, I know for us it works best with me staying home. I agree with the belief that I am raising a better generation by being more involved and sacrificing my career advancements that I could possibly have. I’m not going to be on my death be thinking how I should have spent more time at work, I will however regret if I miss out on my kids lives as they grow up. Thank you for writing this. Us moms have to stick together in this day and age.

  25. I LOVED this post! made me laugh a lot. And I agree with you, SAHM wins for me too. I am, in a way, a WAHM because I help my husband with his business (digital marketing and advertising) whenever he needs my help. I do not have the patience or will to sit in front of a freaking table all freaking day long! I would much rather stay home, enjoy my family, pretend to fold my laundry….but I am no ones servant! I believe that God gave us all hands and feet for a purpose….! Yeah, I am a Catholic woman as well, just not a servant. :)

  26. Anyone who has enough time to criticize others is missing a tremendous opportunity to benefit others in some way. Then again, if they’re busy criticizing, I don’t really want them doing anything in the vicinity of me or my family.

  27. Hi, Sharon! I know I read this post already, but didn’t have time to properly comment.
    One thing also about SAHMs who diligently care for their kids is that our schedule is all mixed up. We might have our time to relax at a different time in the day than a mother who works outside the home, for example. But it’s all in a day’s work–we put in the hours, the love, the care, the teaching and the parenting.
    Having said that, I know there are some SAHMs who use their kid/kids as an excuse to do absolutely nothing but be couch potatoes and turn their poor kids into the same. They have no motivation, and their reason for being a stay-at-home-mom is not because they want to do all they can for their kids and be with them during the formative years of their lives, and this is rather painful to watch. Perhaps the author has had a negative experience with this kind of mother. In which case, I wish she wouldn’t paint us all with the same judgemental brush.
    Good article, as always!
    By the way, I decided to write a blog that’s just a blog (not focused on activities) and today I wrote my first post! Yeah, it’s Super Bowl related, lol!
    Happy Super Bowl!

  28. Pingback: Top 10 Hilariously Funny Blogs to Look Out for in 2014 | voiceBoks - The Voice of Parenthood

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