Or are my kids just happy not to see me?
It isn’t everyday that I get to walk into the house after being in the sun for 3 hours with a hyper 5 year old to find that 5 of my 6 my children have been engaging in an art contest over which one of their “wanted” posters will be my new facebook profile picture.
But there you have it…
And apparently they’ve been working on this for a while.
Considering that my daughter had a submission for approval and I had just spent the better part of the afternoon teaching her that swallowing dead flies floating around in the pool does not automatically mean she’s had her dinner.
But it’s close.
Matter of fact, even Mr. Madhouse was busy drawing away. Seems he read my last blog post after all.
Oops…
Ya know, I don’t know what’s in the air these days, but my attitude sucks. And I know it. And not only do I know it, but so does my entire family.
And the flower delivery guy who brought flowers to my house by mistake.
And the clerk at the grocery store who forgot my change.
And the neighbor boy who thought “borrowing” my cell phone meant he could take it home with him.
I know this started some time last week when, while cooking dinner, I splashed hot oil on my shoulder of all places, and when I turned around to pour mustard on it I stepped on my sons portable keyboard.
Yeah, I never did find out why it was on the floor next to his tee-shirts.
And then the next day, less than 24 hours after my daughter had received new Aladdin and Jasmine dolls from her grandma, she started screaming that her toys were stolen.
Why is ev
ery thing in this house that’s temporarily missing assumed to be stolen?
Anyway, in order to save the rest of our glass stemware from shattering I decided it was time for the family to help search for the missing play things.
For an hour…
And found them under the living room table. In my frying pan. Behind my hair spray. Naked…
*Sigh* Never give little kids a male and female toy at the same time. They suddenly become gynecologists.
But the last 24 hours will go down in history.
I admit it. I’ve grown horns.
Over the years I’ve learned that denial and suppression are my best friends. They understand me. We’ve become soul mates and have mutual respect for one another. They never ask for my attention because they know I’ll be there to feed them eventually.
Sort of like my goldfish.
So yesterday I’m doing my mom thing when all of the sudden, I hear the ne
ws. And it PISSED ME OFF! Not like, “what a bunch of idiots,” pissed of. More like Dante’s Inferno pissed off. With about 79 layers of hell. And I felt each and every layer.
And so did my family.
*Hanging head in shame*
Ever have one of those days where you feel like shoving someone’s face into a bowl of salad and tell them, “Eat it, love it, and say, ‘Please sir may I have another’ ”
No? Oh…never mind.
Um…how about wanting to burn all of your kids clothes and throw their dell laptop out of the window while you smash their cell phone and put toothpaste all over their toilet seat?
Or maybe shove your husbands pillows off of the bed and blame it on the cat after you hide all of his underwear?
And the worst part?
There’s no real crisis!
No one’s called me ugly for over a month and no one has lost any of my shoes and blamed it on t
he dog.
I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to save money and energy by washing my hair in the washing machine with the beach towels.
Because some days I feel like I’m in a batting cage with multiple machines pitching fast balls at me and no matter how hard I swing, I miss them all. And I really want to smack a few.
Or some random doctor…
*P.S. I’m sending out a shout to Miss Sarah…for helping me, and to Tracy for texting me when I wanted to kill my goldfish, Lindy, Wendy, Daria, Kari, Christine and Terry, for making it all possible*
Sharon, you know that it’s been determined that insanity is hereditary. Adults get it from their children, or the neighbor’s children, LOL. I don’t think you need to worry about this, you’ll always be read
Bwahahahaha! yes! It’s the kids fault!
Too funny, thanks for sharing, love reading your blog
Thanks Stephanie
LOVE THIS. So well said, and with awesome illustrations to boot. I may act like I’m happy all the time but when I’m not I usually just go away for awhile. Thanks for demonstrating that it’s OK to let it out. (((hugs))) mama
I usually go away too…this time you guys wouldn’t let me
This too shall pass. We all go through periods of time that we fantasize about saying and doing what we would really like to do…
Breath deep and know this will pass. No I have to go slash my neighbor’s tires for being such a loud and annoying human being.
Would you slash my neighbors?
Sounds absolutely exhausting Sharon!
I need a nap
I don’t have kids, but I can totally identify with you this week with the attitude. Can we blame it on the hot, hot weather?
I will if you will
hmmmm… tooth paste on the toilet seat.. I want to try this! Thanks for an idea! bahahahaha
I won’t tell if you won’t
Sharon,
Must of us parents have been there at least once or twice, where we want to scream and be heard. We may not do it, because it will scare our children, but we all have been there. I love how you put this into details that we can see.
Sadly I’ve been there once or twice in less than 30 hours
But i’m working on it. Thanks much Michelle…I always appreciate your comments 
Sharon- it sure is nice to know I’m not the only one. And you have more kids than me. Also when things go missing around my house and we have done the surface level searching we never find the missing items until we pace every inch of the room. Missing items always turn up, “oh ya I was playing with that and put XYZ into it….”
Have a glass of wine tonight!
I’m thinking about having two
Is it wrong that I want to see the kid’s wanted posters?
LOL!!! No…it’s actually funny!
I love kids.. If we could all only live like we were 7 again!!
Want to come over for dinner sometime?
Oh geez, it’s tough being a mommy. Especially when the kids are acting like gynecologists with lost dolls… lol. We really all do have those days when we look back and know we could have done better, stayed calmer. Fortunately, they are few and far between.
Yeah…they are. Every 2 – 3 days
yo momma…get a bigger bat
Is there a reward with that wanted poster?
xxx lot’s of love from down under Sharon.
Terry, say “Crickey” for me just once more
It’d be interesting to see ‘grown horns’ on a most wanted poster. Just kidding. Sometimes, one interprets things in all worst perspectives, and everything goes down. However, taking a breathe or break, having some fresh air, one may find that everything is reasonable.
I’m really trying…
Or are my kids just happy not to see me?
- If it is so, then one should make changes in communicating with people around (and those with thyself).
Vojko J. Kalan
Yeah, my communication has been less than stellar lately
In your household of 8 you have something like 60+ individual, unique and complex relationships going on every minute and that doesn’t even count the goldfish! So, when it feels complicated, demanding, confusing and beyond that is only because… it is.
At least use the delicate cycle when doing your hair.
DELICATE?! Oops…
Sharon you crack me up everytime I read your posts! I tell you your house sounds just like my house, with my 6 kiddies running around someone always has an attitude WHAT! I should be the one with the attitude, and the toys being stolen..I hear that everyday, if the little ones cant find something, they shout out someone stole my toy
It will get better with age!
My husband still thinks someone stole his favorite coffee cup
Only a parent can smile at your comments and completely understand! Great job!
Thank you
Oh how I have been here sister! This is usually when my hubby takes the kids out and about and gives me some “quiet time”. Thanks so much for being so transparent and sharing this. So good to know that we moms aren’t alone.
Maybe we should make a new facebook support group page….hmmm
I have those days almost every day about shoving someone’s face in a salad. Remember I’m a teacher.
Beware the salad in Mr. Patnaude’s lunch box
I feel you!
My three-year-old has been a bratty little devil all week! I was on the verge of tying him up in a black garbage bag and leaving him outside our gate. Haha!
Ooh…good one!
With 3 sisters and 5 brothers, I know where you are coming from. Maybe you need to take a page from my Mom’s book and just put all of the kids to work doing different chores while you rest, until you have had time to return to a more “normal” state.
Great idea…they can cook dinner and to the laundry!
Sharon!!! You are WANTED alright! By us! Keep the humor coming. It’s the best way to deal with a crisis.
Ya know, the thing I love about you the most is that you have something in your head that tells you *when*. That is what makes you a great mom and wife. We all fly off the handle, some further than others. But what distinguishes the crazy from the truly dimented is the little white flag that goes up in our heads that says “I surrender.” Waving the flag with you, honey! Smooches…
Aw, thank you Wendy. It’s been a helluva week
LOL! I think that’s awesome- you TOTALLY need to use the best poster for your new FB profile. Seriously- you need to nurture your kids’ art skills, lol.
~Amber ‘SortaSuperMom’
http://www.confessionsfromboystown.com
I’ll have the kids pull them out of the trash
I agree with the person who said they want to see the posters, it could be interesting! At least you’re able to laugh about it!
They were sorta funny
Sharon… were you peaking into my windows again? lol!! Seems like last the last two weeks I was *hanging my head in shame* for letting my temper get the best of me and lashing out at a loved one, who by the way has even unfriended me on facebook! all I can do now is laugh… it’s on them if they can’t hang with the best of them, I’m telling myself… and slowly but surely I am starting to hold my head high again… love you {and your blog} bunches xoxox Carla
It’s good to know we’re not alone with these feelings, and I’m sorry they unfriended you. What a baby!
This all started sometime last week, while making dinner? Perhaps when you discovered your husband had been hit by a car, and didn’t even bother to call the police?
Two questions:
1) What was the news story that sent you over the top?
2) Where are the pictures of the wanted posters?
Now, for the piece of advice that my labor nurse mistakenly gave me not knowing that it was the way my dad always responded to me while mad and just made me madder:
“Breath in your nose and out your mouth.”
As long as you can get pass the infuriating fact that your dad is just calmly standing there while you yell at him from the top of your lungs, it actually is good advice. (Now, think of the poor labor nurse, just trying to help a woman give birth.)
This too shall pass.
So…it’s not “In thru mouth out thru nose?”
Better not say what the news story was. I stay neutral, or try to, on the blog and the wanted posters are lining the bird cage
Hello sharon-moms-madhouse.com. I found your web site via Google while looking for a similar matter, your web site got here up. It appears good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back later.
Sometimes it’s hard to be the nice mom… I always tell myself: ‘Hey, if I wasn’t playing bad mom sometimes, they wouldn’t know the difference, when I was playing nice mom.
Exactly!
Let it all out !
perfect remedy !
LOL Abhijjit!
There is a comment in there that will perk Alexa up about horns and homemakers, but that might be attracting the wrong crowd. You keep it out of the ditches, and I will try to keep it out of the gutter.
I luv it Harold
I’ve had a couple days like that were I don’t realize I’m shooting lightning bolts out of my eyes until someone says something. Sigh. And I thought I was so good at hiding my emotions.
I know, right? *sigh* I had no idea
The difference as I see it between you and us, is that there’s a sane part of you actually taking notes during the insanity. We’ve all felt something like this at some point, but you do such a great job of chronicling it. Thanks!
Is that wrong that my brain actually functions and retains some of this stuff?
Denial and suppression are great for a while, but the pressure builds up and eventually -I’m like you so that’s how I know – it’s like the eruption of Krakatoa! It’s always fun to read your posts, but I’m guessing it’s less fun to live through. Still, having the outlet of the blog must help keep eruption at bay?!
Yeah, it helps fo shore!
Jeez Sharon, forget about blogging. What you should do now is to compose a material/script and be a stand up comedienne. =) Sorry but am laughing on your misery. It’s the way you express it. lol! You wildly entertain us and it’s about time to make BIG money out of it. Whatcha think? =)
I hope my book will make others laugh because I have stage fright
But I am totally honored that you think that much of my posts. Thank you!
I can’t stop laughing, great read!
Why thank you
Well, what do you know… we share common friends- denial and suppression! But you’re different, you know how to turn something miserable into something funny. It’s that madhouse that fuels you, right?
What? My 2 BFF’s are cheating on me? UGH! LOL “)