“Who is Debbie and since when did you start eating meat and drinking carbonated beverages again?” I asked my 5 year old.
“Oh…I forgot, you’re Debbie and all that watermelon and water gave me gas, now I crave animal and fizzy drinks.”
And as I stood at the kitchen counter making the child her breakfast, I began to realize that we are only on day 4 of summer break and we’re already experiencing problems.
The first being that if I don’t respond to the 5 year old calling me Debbie she starts crying and accusing me of child neglect.
Second? My vaulted ceiling is a magnet.
I first noticed this fatal attraction on Saturday when I returned home from the grocery store.
I was feeling very generous and decided to purchase multiple bottles of black liquid for my kids to drink for a treat.
And apparently they thought it would be an even better treat if they asked me for root beer floats without telling me the 6 year old had dropped the bottle of root beer 5 minutes earlier.
Ever seen that experiment with the mentos and diet coke?
Yeah…my ceiling looked like someone had issues with projectile vomiting after eating prunes.
Ever stand on top of a 6 foot ladder and mop your ceiling?
Tip #1…put the cat in your room so it doesn’t climb the kitchen cabinets and take a flying leap at the wet strings hanging in your eyes.
Tip #2…put the ice cream back in the freezer so it doesn’t melt all over the front of your dishwasher and onto the floor lamps.
Tip #3…put the 5 and 6 year old’s outside with the dog so they won’t try to lick the melted ice cream out of the kitchen sinks while they climb the ladder and ask if your ticklish on y
our feet.
P.S. You may also want to stop cooking and cover your dinner so the root beer won’t drip from the ceiling into your home made stew.
The third issue so far this summer?
My kids have all forgotten their siblings names.
I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking when I filled out the kids birth certificates, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t name any of them butt face or jerk off.
Although I think my husband may be on the same page as the kids. He has been known to call them anything but their given names.
Problem #4. The kids have forgotten how to flush a toilet.
How did I discover this? The dog fainted from dehydration.
When I checked to make sure all 3 of the toilet lids were still up, I myself temporarily forgot all of the kids names when I screamed, “Jesus, Mary and Jose
ph! Will the 5 of you butt heads get into the bathrooms and flush for Pete’s sake?”
Even the cat can remember to flush…
Problem #5. The children have all lost their hearing.
During the school year they can hear the phone ring even when they’re outside.
Now? The phone rings, 5 boys yell, “MOM! Sounds like the telephone!” And the 5 year old screams, “DEBBIE! I think you’re cell phone is singing ‘More than a woman’ again!”
Am I the only one who ever wonders if munchausen by proxy has been outlawed in all 50 states?
But our newest issue began today. This is when the kids forgot we live in a desert.
At 6am my daughter was shaking me awake and asking, “Debbie…is it okay brother and I played doctor on the dog outside and left the back door open so we wouldn’t get hot?”
Sure…go ahead…air condition the neighborhood…
An hour later the front door flew open and my 13 year old fell into the house panting. He looked at me from the floor with his body half in, half out of the house and choked, “Mom…water…stroke…forgot water…went jogging.”
And as I poured water down his throat I asked him what that filmy white stuff was all over his lips.
And just as his eyes rolled in the back of his head and he fainted, my daughter said, “It’s anti perspirant so his upper lip won’t sweat.
Duh…Debbie.”
Reading this sounds like my house, esp with having to wipe the ceiling
Love it that your child is calleing you Debbie and gets an attitude when you dont respond, thats like my 12 yr old calling me MOTHER, I am like who, and then the way he says it OK! Your posts always have me cracking up!
LOL…you mean this goes on until their double digits? *sigh*
Sharon, you have just got to video one of these episodes…you know…with one of your spare hands! :0) You crack me up!
Love ya!
~Erin
Well, I did tape my daughter tap dancing in the laundry basket
LOL! That was hilarious!!!! Good luck to you this summer. I’ll have to check back often to make sure you survive
Thank you…I can’t wait to see what unfolds myself
I “upvote” for a vlog… hilarious!
Hmmm…I just may do that
Have a Fantastic Thursday!
Dunca
I enjoyed reading this
) thanks so much! Not sure if I’m allowed to say this but next thing i did after reading your article was to get me some ice cream 
Works for me!
Hilarious!
Mucho thanks
It’s gonna be a long summer. I’m depending on these posts to make me feel like a better parent since my kids seem so much like yours in many ways. Day 4… O.M.G. I sometimes wish I was hitched to a pharmacist.
LOL…is that a good thing?
I never tire of hearing about the funny things that happen at your house! You just crack me up!
*takes a bow*
Good to See Your humor Continues . my Mom alway gept hers and with seven Children starting with 4 boys under 4 she sure needed it
Da-a-a-ang! You’re mom’s my hero today!
I love your humour – make me laugh out loud every time!
Why thank you
Very funny! Great blog post!
Thank you berry much
Wow, your summer is off to a very eventful start. Enjoy the next three months
I can’t wait
Haha, great writing! I vote root beer for all ceilings!
In that case, I have started a new trend!
Listen Debbie Darling, at least you can get rid of them in the fall! lol xoxo
Be still my heart…whatever will I do?
How completely entertaining, and exhausting! I have this image of you on a ladder, cat mid – air, with little ice cream hands reaching up to your feet. Wonderful!
don’t forget the dog
Sharon… I had to come back to comment (wasn’t working last night) I am still laughing at your wonderful post! I felt as if I was right there with you cleaning the ceiling
Inquiring minds want to know… Where did “Debbie” come into play? Is this your middle name? loL! Blessings PS the time is completely off on the comment postings… it’s 9:09 am MDT nowhere in the states is it almost 3 in the afternoon right now. Blessings.
I think, not sure, but I think Debbie is my neighbor across the street
Clearly, you are de the funniest blogger
Wow…thank you so much!
Lmao thanks for sharing, I’ll never have kids but your blog lets me share yours in some small way and for that I’m grateful
I’ll send you pics someday
It sounds like you have an interesting summer ahead of you Debbie
GRRRR! Debbie…
Sharon..this is funnny! I love how they had all forgotten their siblings’ names
Hope you have an awesome summer ahead!
I weep for the future
Hahaha! Good lord I wish I can handle my kids the same way as you do when they start acting like that! Hilarious! I’m sure as their Mom you are well entertained every single day
Hmmm…entertained…lemme get back to you on that
I’m glad you can take those moments and laugh about them later. Summer and kids scare me, especially since we will be joining you shortly in that desert of yours.
You moving to Phoenix?
Everytime I was reading in my youth that anyone likes Turkey, I allways thought, wow, we are so loved, so I was proud to be from turkey
That is adorable!
Sharon, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I’m laughing so hard. Who would have thought you had to put the cat out in order to mop the ceiling?!? I learn so much from you.
Kari
I am always here for your learning disabilities darlin’
You do a great job of capturing the crazy, thanks for not one but several laughs!
You are very welcome!
I would go nuts at your house, it’s pretty quiet these day around here. But,part of going nuts is being a mom. Just think we grandpa and grandma get to send them home.
So…you’re saying no to dinner over here next Thursday, right?
Very funny as usual.
Thank you very much Arnie
“Yeah…my ceiling looked like someone had issues with projectile vomiting after eating prunes.” LOL.
A minor plus? Apparently your dog doesn’t like “bobbing for ‘apples’” in unflushed toilets. That’s a good thing. Believe me.
Always look at the bright side of life…thanks for the tip!
‘How did I discover this? The dog fainted from dehydration’ … Classic! HaHaHa! They just keep gett’n betterer & betterer! Love it!
I bow to your wisdom
Interesting times that you will cherish when the kids are grown and out of the house. Keep your sanity, take a deep breath and remember 5 kids are only 1 short of a half dozen.
We have 6 Terry
Delightful, thanks.
I have to say this Sharon, your house is a living, breathing Adventureland. No wonder the reality show people are calling you. Your family, pets, and household create more excitement in one day than the average reality show creates in an entire season. Enjoy your double root beer float.
What’s a root beer float?
The joys of a large family!!
True dat!
all you need now is to add a hamster to your menagerie for kicks! I can only imagine what might happen there!
Ooh! I should blog about the hamster some day!
can’t count the times I pick things up from the floor on a daily base….. I call it bending therapy
Ha ha! I call it exercise!
I’m so happy that my children are big now, lol.
But I passed that all.
Can I come over?
Video of this would be a huge hit!
Wish I would have thought of that
After each of us kids got to be around 12, my mother would say, “Summer school or a summer job, pick one. You can’t be hanging around the house all day for the entire summer.” We complained but I think it served all of us well.
But then, we weren’t allowed to watch TV before dinner (any time of the year) and that was just the norm in our neighborhood. We had to be doing SOMETHING, either doing chores or doing homework or playing or reading a book.
But there were some times when we were young that my mom just kicked us all out of the house and said, “Play! I’ll call you when it’s time for dinner.” In the town I now live in, I rarely see kids playing outside, even during the summer.
That’s pretty much how I grew up. My 2nd oldest has been looking for a job, and when it’s not 105 outside, believe me, we kick the kids out! You’re mom was normal as far as I’m concerned. Wish there were more out there like her now