Although that stuff could, and should be considered tragic.
Unless it’s done intentionally for insurance purposes or for revenge.
No, what happened today was a sudden “Aha” moment as I finally realized that not only am I a, “Grown Up,” but somewhere along the way as I was growing up, my heart died.
When did I realize this?
During TV time during.
I wasn’t in the mood to watch any of the latest movies on Netflix, so out of sheer boredom I decided we would watch ”The Breakfast Club” while I contemplated why I was folding wigwam socks in 109 degree weather.
This was probably the 392nd time I’d seen the movie, but today ended up being different from any other time I’d watched it as “Don’t You Forget About Me” played and the credits rolled.
Instead of singing at the top of my lungs and calling my neighbor a neo, maxi zoom dweebie, as I’ve been known to do, I found myself searching among the still damp underwear for one of my pet towels to wipe my eyes.
Because I was crying before the movie was even over.
Not because the music took me for a walk down the memory lane of my high school years, which it totally did, but because I found myself agreeing with Dick Vernon throughout the movie.
And that…is tragic.
I had caught myself nodding emphatically while Dick was telling Carl that the thought that wakes him up in the middle of the night is thinking that when those kids grow up they’ll be taking care of him.
Not that I often wake up to thoughts of strangers kids changing my adult diapers or feeding me healthy snacks in my golden years.
But I could relate to waking up in the middle of the night because of my kids.
Like when they call at two a.m. to tell me they’re out past curfew and the cops caught them.
And then I nodded again as Dick called Bender a gutless turd for not punching him since I had just called son number three the very same thing when he refused to kill an over-sized cockroach for me.
But what was even more tragic than realizing I sounded just like Dick, was when I found we were unintentionally injecting the movie quotes into our lives for the remainder of the day.
After lunch son number four had told the eight-year-old that he was a goof and his monkey business with his food was ill-advised.
My daughter looked at Chris and asked, “Why do you have to insult him all the time”
“I was just being honest,” he replied. “I’d expect you to know the difference.”
I stopped sniffling for a moment and reminded him that Mary is only six and his expectations of her mental capacity were too high.
So Shawn bopped Chris on the head and asked him what would he be doing if he wasn’t out trying to be a better citizen.
When dad came home it got even better…
I was standing at the stove multitasking with two boiling pots of liquid, a cutting board, my cutlery and the telephone while I wiped at the tears from my eyes thinking about how I had just told my son not to mess with the bull because he’d get the horns, when all of the kids jumped on daddy and told them that I was an emotional wet mop and they didn’t know what to do.
Before he answered them he asked me what was for dinner.
Then he asked me if I had washed all of his wigwam socks.
Then he wanted to know if I’d remembered to record some show he wanted to watch.
Finally he walked around the house looking for the cat and the dog before he remembered to ask me how my day was.
Before I got a chance to answer he walked back to the kids and said, “To answer your question, just always remember to nod and smile because even when mom’s wrong, she still thinks she’s right,” and as he walked towards our bedroom I heard Shawn whisper, “Yeah, like I’ll ever nod and smile when mom says it’s my fault the toilet won’t flush.”
My daughter then asked me if I would mind fixing her a frosty beverage because she was experiencing a low tolerance for dehydration.
And then my husband came back out of our room singing, “I want to be an airborne ranger…”
I got the tape out so I could start taping all of their buns together…