Hot Dog Mom! Look What I Found…
“I hope it’s your Uncle Tod’s enema bag. He’s been complaining about his IBS again. Or is it that water spray gun I use on your sister during her tantrums?”
“Enema bag? No…I found your black lip gloss in the washer and dryer.” Stated the 11 year old. “Ya know, the one you use whenever you answer the door for the Jehovah Witnesses?”
“Whoa!” I exclaimed. “How could it be in the washer AND the dryer?”
“I dunno.” And he handed me the empty glass bottle and rusted lid as he walked away whistling, “She put de lime in de coconut, she drank ‘em bot’ up…”
I hate the, “Oh, there it is!” game. I never win.
Like the other night when son #5 was yelling, “Mom! Phone,”
“Where? House phone, cell phone?” I asked in a panic. After all, I’d been expecting a call from the CDC clearing us from pupil disorder.
“I dunno,” he said and kept munching on cheetos. “Well, get off of the refrigerator and help me find it! It could be the police telling us it’s time to pick up your sister from the orphan auction photo shoot!”
And by the time I finally found the house phone, our answering machine was already going off with a friendly voice reminding me I was 2 days over due picking up the cat at the vet’s.
Huh…it has been a while since I’ve had to clean up any hair balls.
And then there was Last Friday when I couldn’t find my nail clippers.
After having spent 20 minutes under the bathroom sink and counter tops trying to find my son’s glasses, I had hang nail so long my 4 year old thought I was growing hair on my fingers to do a finger puppet show.
I had the kids help me search the pantry, (where I found my nail polish), under the toilet lid, 
(where I found my husbands fishing lures) in the meat drawer,(where I found my scissors) and under the living room furniture, (where we found my sons glasses)
I was so frustrated I just bit the hanger off…like I shoulda done in the first place.
And had to wrap a band-aid so tight around my finger to stop the blood flow that I cut off the circulation.
And then had to wrap two more around the 6 year’s old ear after he let little sister trim his hair with those scissors we found.
And then I noticed my shoes were gone. I mean G-O-N-E!
So it was mission time. I dressed my daughter in her Dora the Explorer outfit, my 6 and 11 year olds in their old Darth Vader costumes, sons #2 and #3 in their Young Marines uniforms and had my husband put on his “Crocodile Dundee” tee shirt as I put on my Wonder Woman underoos and we went hunting.
If you’re going to do something, do it right…
The younger two go into the backyard with their flashlights, the middle 2 into the front yard with their gardening hoes, Mr. Madhouse and the 16 year old into the shed with their magnifying glasses and I tackle the closets.
The four and six year olds were the first to announce that although my shoes were not nesting beside the dog poop or sidewalk chalk, they did locate the rest of last year’s Easter eggs and the chocolate bunny I never got to finish.
Huh…
Sons #3 and #4 found me 10 minutes later with my rear end up in the air as I pawed through the linen closet and informed me that while they hadn’t located any footwear, they had found my measuring cups.
Hmm, there’s one less thing I need to replace.
But it was my husband and son #2 that had me wishing I had never recruited them for this adventure.
My son walked into the room first and said, “Hey mom…I found your diary from 1983..
.man, did you really have a crush on a bus driver who looked like Barry Manilow?”
And before I could open my mouth and lie, my husband walks in and exclaims, “I found this photo album…Who’s that with the pillow case over their head and WTH are those things flying in the air?”
*Sigh* “It’s me doing the pillow case dance in the 6th grade at the YMCA and those are boxer shorts being thrown at me.”
There really is a perfectly good explanation…
I promise I'll grab yours if you grab mine :)
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54 Comments
Oh Darling… PLEASE recruit MEEee on the next mission to find…??? I know I would look like quite the MILF in a Dora outfit, I’ll even match my lipstick color! lol xoxo
OMG!!! LOL…you betcha darling, any time
Never a dull moment:D
Nope
Entertaining stuff! Is this all true or just a certain portion?
I really did do the pillow case dance
Each time, we could not find a nail clipper, we bought one. It’s a cheap solution. Now, we have nail clippers in each room. And, we can always find one and yell – ‘here’
We do that with the toilet paper
Same here with the nail clippers only I have bought 10 pairs this year and can’t find any of them.
And black lip gloss for the JWs – LMAO!
AND with a Rosary in my hand, can you imagine?
Thanks for making me laugh
I am a mom of 3 and I homeschooled ALL of them at the same time. We had those days also!
You’re my hero today, homeschooling? I bow to you
I enjoyed it as it is sometimes amusing how things long ago buried can come back and create hilarity and a little bit of embarrassment.
I shouldn’t be embarassed to admit I like the Barry Manillow look-a-like, should I?
Great post. Just love it
Thank you Paulo!
You crack me up, sister. You really should have cameras ALWAYS rolling at your house!
Love ya!
Erin
There are camera’s…I’m holding onto them for evidence
I always wanted to sit on top of the fridge and eat Cheetos… man what-a-gas… Thanks for the fun post Sharon
You’re totally welcome to hang with the 6 year old on top of my fridge any time. Except Tuesdays…or Thursdays
OH memories… will get you every time
I’m burning the diary tomorrow
This post reminds me of Erma Bombeck. You definitely have her comedic side. I was able to see her and meet her at a Sigma Delta Chi meeting in Dallas when I was in College getting my Journalism degree.
She was so great in person. She had a deadpan humor just like you do.
Keep up the good work, I can see books in your future.
You know what Michelle? That was the coolest thing ever said to me! thank you soooo much!
I think everybody has those days where they are looking for something but find everything else. Every few days I will misplace my phone and it somehow always ends up in my refrigerator.
Bahahaha! Mine too!
Now I know where to look for the scissors.
Sometimes it’s in the fruit basket…
Oh my gosh, you’re hilarious! I found your blog through voiceBoks. You made me laugh out loud – I really needed that today. Thanks!
Peace.
I’m so glad…thank you
Maybe we have too much stuff but I have been looking everywhere for my sons glasses too. Checked under furniture in drawers the van. I even asked the kids today over hot chocolate if someone broke them by accident and hid them or threw them in the garbage just tell me you won’t get in trouble I just want to know if I should keep looking for them. My 6 year old whose glasses I have been pulling the house apart trying to find said straight faced and totally sincere, “Maybe there lost.” Do you THINK??? Did you find the shoes maybe they are with my sons glasses.
Om my…lol…nope….my shoes are still listed as MIA
LOL at the pillowcase dance!
I rocked it when I did it a 2nd time my sophomore year
I was just at a party, and someone else liked Barry Manilow! You guys really like the Copa Cabana fru fru fluffy sleeves, huh! That’s all I can remember, watching him on TV.
Hey, did you ever find your fitness post? I can just change it out for you? By the way, Justified is on tonight, in case you forgot for one moment!
How sad is it that I’ve been a Fanilow since 1980? No…I never found it, I’ll have to re-do the whole stupid thing. And how could I forget Justified? TIMOTHY!!!!! *pant pant* Whadda babe!
My 3-year-old has already learned my philosophy on finding lost things: Look for a while, then give up. You’ll find whatever you’re looking for when you lose the next thing and go looking for that. Never fails!
Gotcha…thanks for the tip
The blessings of having a large family… and I thought my five year old had it beat! LOL!! What a beautiful family you have.. I’m sure you wouldn’t trade these moments for the world! Blessings
I might trade some of them for a good pair of shoes. And a clutch purse
A bus driver who looked like Barry Manilow? Hmmmm.That reminds me of someone. Who could it be? Funny, funny, funny! Some things never change.
Love, Mauntie
You would know!!!!
Lol! Great blog post. Lone that you forgot te cat for 2 days ( not really, but lol!) following you but also happen to be on that voicboks twitter thing with you. Not sure why you haven’t shown up in my blog roll….
OH…that’s okay, I’ll make sure I’m following you
PS I’m co-hosting a weds blog hop would love to have you hook up….
Cool! I’m so there!
Sharon you are too funny! We call it the Easter egg hunt when we are “hunting” for stuff. Usually SOMEONES shoes when it is time for school. I swear they hide them hoping that they can stay home. As for Barry Manilow…It was the 80′s things were different then. Elton John was straight..remember?
So was Boy George, George Michael, Rob Halford…*sigh*
Loved it!
Thank you my friend
I can’t tell you how many times we’ve lost some important things like car keys, wallets, sunglasses to find them somewhere else when you were actually looking for something else. Arghh, it never fails
Love your post.
Thank you Barbara. I know, right? It never fails
We’re always looking for crap around here, too. Especially shoes and nail clippers. I mean, really, is it so hard to put the nail clippers back in the drawer when you’re done with them? Or to put your shoes in the great big basket by the front door? Apparently so. Thanks for the laugh!
Ha ha Christina! We struggle with the shoes every single…freaking day!