A week before that it was senior citizens and two weeks before that it was Jewish and African American singles.
Last fall I was finally eligible to meet the spokesperson for Jose Cuervo after the group was able to confirm I had given birth six times.
I’m not sure when the on line dating community finally decided to start taking notice of me, but it’s about time.
After all, it has been 22 years since I completed my video of why I’d be a fun date. I always knew someone would appreciate the fact that I never checked my beeper or had to find a pay phone on a first date.
Of course, I was single and childless back then…
And frankly it’s about time that someone besides the people I live with showed me a little attention. Matter of fact, it’s about time I got some attention that didn’t require me to sign something, cook something or clean something up.
But to be honest, after I reply to these invitations to meet at a Motel 6 or a Castle Boutique, the interest seems to deteriorate a bit.
And I still can’t put my finger on what I’m doing wrong. After all, they solicited me…
Like when I received a friends request from some chick in a thong. We didn’t have any friends in common, but I figured there had to be a reason why, “Jenny wants to luv you,” was getting in touch with me.
Maybe we’d been in labor together, or perhaps we had both showed up for the same photo shoot of, “Mom’s who should have been nuns” daily. And you know what? She never replied personally. Instead I received an auto message with a link that directed me to her porn site. Only the link didn’t say what type of site it was, so naturally I clicked on it.
Well, that was interesting. *Ahem*
I had also received an email from “HotBecky69@hotmail.com” that same week.
She sent me all of her stats, several of her pictures, told me she was lonely and horny and begged me to reply. So I did. I sent her a picture of me, my husband, all the kids and told her that I was pretty lonely for some adult conversation after watching Sesame Street and Ice Age all day .
That was 2 months ago…I still haven’t heard back from her.
I was also shut out from the, “Single senior citizens who like to be spanked.”
Not that I don’t enjoy a good spanking every now and then. After all, a little swat on the behind helps reminds my kids that spraying hair spray all over the dog is not in anyone’s best interest.
And I’m still confused over the decline from the Asian singles I received this weekend.
Admittingly I’m a little too “Irish white” to pass for Asian, but they had solicited me.
So I called their #800 line yesterday hoping for a valid reason for the decline since they didn’t specify that both parties had to be Asian and single.
I’m still on hold…
But I think the biggest disappointment had to be from the, “Other moms in need” organization.
I was really happy to receive their email invitation that stated, “I’m married, lonely and need you,” considering I need some help matching socks for 6 guys. I also need some help with the ring around the bathtub and the base board washing.
So these were the thoughts running through my mind as I sent in my profile information to their site. I also included our family portrait from Christmas of 2007 and a list of my demands, like lint filter cleaning and coffee grinding.
The return email was not encouraging.
How was I supposed to know this mom club was intended for mom’s who felt the need to be told that they were a bad girl by other moms?