I Love It When My Daughters Announces How The Day Is Going To Be. Nah, Not Really…

64 Thoughts

girlHere’s how it started. Mary, my precious little girl, came out of her room and announced, “Today is homeschool day mommy, and we’re going to the movies since Dolphin Tale 2 has come out, so chop, chop! I don’t have all day! Call me out sick and let’s go!”

Who is this kid?

*Sigh*

I remember when I was pregnant for the first time and hoping for a little girl who would sit and watch re-runs of Little House on The Prairie with me so I’d have someone to cry with.

And I had a son who liked to cut the hair off of Barbie dolls instead.

When I got pregnant with sons #2 and #3 I was just wishing for a little girl who would share my love of chocolate and pickles so we could snack together.

I ended up with two boys who hate anything unless the recipe calls for bacon.

With sons #4 and #5 I dreamed of a little girl who would sit still and play with dolls and have tea parties.

I had two more boys who thought shaking bottles of root beer and letting them explode on the vaulted ceiling was a good way to pass the time.

When I was pregnant for the seventh time I just asked God for a little girl. I wasn’t picky by then, nope…not at all. And because I wasn’t to particular, God blessed this family with a mini me. Times like 26.

And by the time she was four I was asking God why I couldn’t have had ten boys.

winking Continue reading “I Love It When My Daughters Announces How The Day Is Going To Be. Nah, Not Really…” »

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Well, The Kids Are All In Bed…Now What?

63 Thoughts

ladyThe list my friends, is endless.

But let’s examine one of my favorite things briefly, shall we?

Not that! This is a family blog. No, what I’m talking about is the all time consuming, totally exciting and at times, really frustrating way to pass the time by playing online casino games.

Now, now…I know what you’re thinking. “But Sharon, I have 17 unmatched socks and I need to find my missing spoons!”

No, you really don’t. I promise the socks will always be mismatched and the spoons will always be missing, so give yourself a much deserved break and do something else.

Sit down and refresh yourself by betting your hard earned mad money and hit up the Gaming Club!

You may be wondering to yourself, “Why should I spend my perfectly good dollars on gaming instead of on other things like sandals, because I won’t need socks to wear them, and a new set of silverware?”

Because now when you tell the kiddies at the store, “No honey, I can’t possibly buy you that ring pop because mommy is broke,” you’ll really mean it!aces

Continue reading “Well, The Kids Are All In Bed…Now What?” »

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Don’t Make Me Angry Mr. Magee, You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry

97 Thoughts

cropped-blue.jpg*This is a review and a giveaway of Matcha Tea. I was given the product to try from Kiss Me Organics and the opinions are mine. All mine. Well, my kids tried it too and want me to say, “Hmm…it’s not too bad.”*

Is it weird that I still have a crush on David Banner? And if someone doesn’t know who Mr. Magee or David Banner are, I refuse to answer based on the fact that I will date myself.

(Psst…It’s from the Incredible Hulk television series from 1978-1982.)

But this post has nothing to do with David Banner, Mr. Magee or The Incredible Hulk. The only reason I mention it is because I’ve been drinking this green tea for two weeks and my younger kids keep making jokes that I’m so mean and green that I’m becoming the Hulk.

So there ya have it…the connection.

But let’s be serious for a moment, shall we? I like tea…I like coffee better, but I like tea. Especially green tea, and when Jessica at Kiss me Organics asked me if I wanted to try their Matcha Green Tea Powder I thought, sure…why not?

And being a tea drinker of anything green for a number of years now, I actually considered myself a connoisseur of sorts.

Which is sort of dumb since all of the tea I’ve ever drank usually had a paper tag attached and said things like, “Liteapton.”

Anyway, anyway, I was anxious to try this product because I’d only recently heard of Matcha and every time I did I kept thinking,  “Gotcha macha.” Which is also dumb because it makes no sense.

Continue reading “Don’t Make Me Angry Mr. Magee, You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry” »

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Sharon’s Weight Loss Tips

96 Thoughts

lose weight

*Disclaimer. I’m noticing a lot of people are responding to the title and first sentence. This post is one, big fat joke…which means most of the comments I’ve received so far don’t make any sense. Thank you for your attention. Now…on to the post*

 

Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.

Okay…all done.

Oh wait, life is never that simple. If it were, we wouldn’t need weight loss tip number two which is something like, “If you’re craving chocolate, don’t eat it. Instead have a dill pickle, it’ll curb your chocolate cravings.

By the way, weight loss tip number two is a big, fat lie.

Okay, number three. Be honest about your calorie count.

Which is dumb because how can I get through the day if I stick to that 1000 calorie deal my doctor thought was a good idea? Hmm?

Because frankly cereal at night is the best snack ever.

But, if I have to count calories I’ll make it worth my while by enjoying my carbs.

So on to number four. We’ve all heard of using that red, green, orange rule, right? Well, thank God Starburst and Skittles have that covered and it requires no hard thinking on my part.

Number five. Eat one less bite.

So make sure that last bite is a big one.mommy on diet

Number six. Drink more water. Which is excellent since it mixes so well with kool-aid, lemonade and Bourbon.

Continue reading “Sharon’s Weight Loss Tips” »

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Dang Mom, You Need To Get Out Of The House More…

150 Thoughts

sumxs amze self other timesYa think? What gave it away?

Was it when I gave myself a gold sticker each time I managed to un-clog the toilet?

Or maybe it was when I sprained my neck when I tried to pat myself on the back because I managed not to step on any Lego’s for four whole hours.

No, I’ve got it. It’s when I took the filters out of the AC vents and remembered to duck before the metal covering hit me in the head and knocked me off the ladder.

So I rewarded myself with a brownie.

Calorie and carb free, of course.

I’m not sure why my kids are suddenly worried about whether or not I’m getting enough sunshine, but I think I know when I realized it.

I was reading a friends status update about her crush on sons wrestlemania actions toys, when I realized that I too, have been spending too much time indoors with my children’s play things.

For instance, is it just me who’s been giving ole Buzz Lightyear a 2nd look since Toy Story 2?

Especially when he did that Spanish serenade thing? *wistful sigh*

For weeks after that I wore a cowboy hat and changed my name to Jessie.

Didn’t everyone?

It was also around this time that I caught myself having arguments with my imaginary friend, The Countess Consuelo.

Continue reading “Dang Mom, You Need To Get Out Of The House More…” »

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Mommy! My Barbie Melted Into Silly Putty!

102 Thoughts

moms madhouse tin“Yeah? Well…pour it in the cookie tin I’m using for all of our melting valuables.”

My daughter grabbed the tin. “When did this start?”

“After my makeup fell in the sink and melted into something that resembled a jello shooter.”

I know I’ve asked this before, but it’s worth repeating.

Why, Dear God in Heaven, oh why…do I live in a place where people comfort each other by saying, “It may be 116 degrees, but at least it’s a dry heat.”

Dry heat my ass foot…it’s so humid that my daughter’s been using the mirage on my kitchen table as a swimming pool for Barbie and Ken.

Before they melted, that is.

Everyone already knows the jokes about how it’s so hot in Phoenix that the trees beg for dogs and that Valley Fever isn’t an alcoholic drink, so I won’t go there.

Rather, I’m going to complain about 57 some odd hours of this week.

Why?

Just because…that’s why

This Monday started like any other.devil

I stepped in something wet, the cat peed on son #4′s shorts, the 16-year-old broke his tooth, son #1 needed $10, my daughter got her hair stuck in the sink faucet AFTER son #5 got his toe stuck in the toilet and son #2 spilled coke on my laptop.

See…normal.

That is until noon rolled around and I noticed a strange man with horns and a pitch fork was taking up residence on my couch.

“What’s all this please?” I asked as my sofa cushions turned into a puddle of wet fibers.

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Raising A Teenager Is Like Washing My Hair In The Toilet…

155 Thoughts

lost kids onceIt’s a waste of time, it’s messy and it never works out the way I hoped.

Truthfully, I can’t even recall when I finally realized there were teenagers in my house.

Was it when my oldest told me that I needed to stop putting a bowl on his head when I cut his hair?

Could it have been when son #2 got so hungry during his last growth spurt that I caught him trying to slice through the spoiled milk so he could have a cheese sandwich?

Perhaps it was when the 16-year-old started giving me parenting tips for the younger three kids.

Continue reading “Raising A Teenager Is Like Washing My Hair In The Toilet…” »

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