Who Killed The Stamp Card? Or…Technology Saved My Tongue @FrugaaDotCom #frugaa

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(Today’s post is brought to you by Frugaa.com and lil’ ole’ me. This is the part where, per federal law, I’m required to announce to the whole world that I was compensated, in one way or another, for my honest opinion)

It wgreen-stampsas the ugliest decade of my lifetime.

The 1970’s…flowered wall paper in every kitchen of off white, pee yellow, dog poo brown and burnt orange.

Black and gold striped sofa’s covered in plastic and the ugliest lime, green stamps  ever created that I was forced to lick and paste on to a yellow card so my parents could accumulate enough savings for a new lamp shade

For The Love Of God…Who Was In Charge Of Color Coordinating in the 70’s, anyway?

Our family back then, all five of us, would take turns sitting on our torn bar stools,  listen to my moms Barry Manilow albums and lick the savings stamps until our tongues swelled out of our heads.

Good times…

And then one day mom came home from the store all excited.

“Guess what, guess what?”

My dad looked over at her. “Barry Manilow has a new album?”

“We’re adopted?” My brother asked.

I looked at my mom hopefully…”No,” she replied. “The stores are getting rid of the stamp cards! They’ll start doubling coupons to $1.00! Aren’t you all excited?”GreenShieldStamps

Continue reading “Who Killed The Stamp Card? Or…Technology Saved My Tongue @FrugaaDotCom #frugaa” »

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A Woman’s Guide To The Commandments Of Strolling Down Memory Lane Properly

139 Thoughts

two womenThere are other Commandments in the worldwe’ve all heard them…but none are as important as those written by women, for women and understood only by women.

And since it is written, so it must be.

Or something like that…

Women don’t share these Commandments with each other. There’s no need for any of that.

We don’t exchange idea’s and we don’t give advise, we just nod and smile in agreement whenever we catch another woman strolling down memory lane with her list of Commandments proudly under in her arm

Because it means that all is right with the world.

Take Commandment #4 for example:

“When thou hears a song that reminds her of when some guy broke her heart, thoust must stop all activity to sing every word of the sad song at the top of thoust lungs and be sure to make proper sad facial expressions.

I was busy chopping ingredients for my special red sauce when iHeart radio pulled a fast one on me and played Restless Heart on my 80’s station. I started to skip the song when I was suddenly thrust backwards in time.sad

I quickly put my knife down, allowed the tears to flow and sang “I’ll still be loving you” at the top of my lungs.

And got caught by the kids when they came home.

Commandment #3:

When thou gets caught singing a heartbreak song by thoust children, avoid answering questions and deflect.

Continue reading “A Woman’s Guide To The Commandments Of Strolling Down Memory Lane Properly” »

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My Conversation With The Devil. Or…What Happened When I Went To Therapy

143 Thoughts

repressRosanne the therapist, or Satan, as I call her, folded her hands and studied me.

So I studied her back.

We did this for five minutes before she asked, “So…why are we here today?”

You’re here because you’ve got fifty of my dollars and I’m here because my memories aren’t staying repressed.”

“And why do you want your memories repressed?”

“Um,” I said sarcastically. “So I won’t remember them?”

“Why don’t you want to remember them?”

“Seriously!?! Did I just pay you to ask redundant questions? Can’t you just give me a pill or something so I can leave?”

Rosanne sat back. “Do you really think a pill is all you need?”

“According to the internet there’s a pill for every need.”

“I get the feeling you’re avoiding your problems.”

“One day I’ll be dead and won’t have any problems.”

“Let’s try this. If you could go back to any time in the past and change something, what would it be?”

I scratched my head. “I’d eat more chocolate, drink more coke, ditch the lemon water, salads and kale.”

“Why?”

“Why not? The only people who care what I look like are other women who look me over to make sure they’re hotter used to carethan me. Plus I’ve been married twenty years, I have six kids, I’m 40 something and I like chocolate. It makes my taste buds happy so who am I trying to impress by eating roughage?”

Continue reading “My Conversation With The Devil. Or…What Happened When I Went To Therapy” »

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Price Differences in Vaping vs. Actually Smoking

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luckyCigarettes are getting pricier every day, and smokers are jonesing for a solution. There is no end in sight to the perpetual cost increases that are rocking the cigarette industry; luckily, an affordable alternative has risen in the form of e-cigarettes. This guide reveals the savings that can be enjoyed simply by making the switch.

Reasons to Stop Smoking Continue reading “Price Differences in Vaping vs. Actually Smoking” »

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Just Sign Here, Mrs. Mom…We’ll Take Care Of The Rest

130 Thoughts

mailmanI love our mailman…

And the UPS guy, and the Fed X guy…

Every time they show up I’m convinced I’m about to get something with some money it and I get really excited.

I’m also convinced that not only is the word, “Gullible” tattooed on my forehead and my rear end, but it’s spray painted somewhere on the back of my truck where I’ll never see it, but every salesman, delivery man and repair man can.

And I know they all follow me home.

And that’s not even the saddest part…

The saddest part is my family has attached a permanent morphine drip to my arm to calm me down when the doorbell rings and I correctly guess that I’m about to sign for something that doesn’t belong to me, or I’m about to buy something I never thought I needed.

Until some salesman told me I needed it.

And it usually goes something like this:

*Doorbell rings*

“Hi, Mr. Mailman…how are you?

“Hi, Mrs. Mom…I have a package for you.”door to door sales

Continue reading “Just Sign Here, Mrs. Mom…We’ll Take Care Of The Rest” »

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Beautiful Evening Dresses Available Online Now

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If it’s the end of March, it’s that time of year once again.

You know, that time where we have to buy someone a prom dress, or find something for the five different weddings we’ve been invited to.

Because someone always has to get married between April and September and God forbid we wear the same dress twice.

Continue reading “Beautiful Evening Dresses Available Online Now” »

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A Mad Moms Work Is Never Done…Until She Shares It On Social Media

60 Thoughts

great dayAnd so begins another installment of my business being posted on facebook and tweeted on twitter.

My kid drank pickle juice and licked ketchup off a plate for lunch, so no…I don’t care that your kid voluntarily eats yolkless eggs and drinks organic grapefruit juice…
Typically I spend $200/year watching fruit turn brown and canned food pass the expiration date.

Know what makes me cry and brings me to my knees? Seedless sunflower seeds…

 

My kids are mad at me for being mad at them. Let’s see who wins by the end of the night…

 

9-year-old son: follows me to the bathroom, follows me to the laundry room, follows me to the kitchen, follows me to the kitty litter box. Me: “I need your help, son” Aaaaand he’s outta there!bad attitude

 

September 11, 2014 My husband put a new roll of TP on the dispenser in the bathroom AND he even put it on the right way. I’ve never been more in love…

“I can’t believe I told people you were a good mother!” ~ Seven-year-old after I told her I forgot to buy strawberries and Elsa bandaids.”

 

My son better get an “A” on this math assignment I just finished

Why being an adult is dumb #19. “Wow…these new dish towels and matching pot holders really brighten up the whole house!”

Just got an email from Megan1990. She says saw my picture, thinks I’m cute and wants to hook up. This is the best day of my life…

 

Havinthough counts in jailg all six of my kids together and awake in the same room is called a migraine

I cooked the perfect roast, cut it up into smaller pieces for the younger kids and strategically placed the pieces next to the fries and ketchup. Now I’m watching the kids eat ketchup

 

The 16 & 13 year old’s decided to sing a lullaby to their little sister. It went like this, “One, two Freddie’s coming for you…”

 

How I answer questions so I don’t sound stupid when the kids ask me something that’s never even crossed my mind. Question: “Is it called sand because it’s in between the sea and land?” Answer: “Well, duh!”

 

How I know I’m down to three functioning brain cells. I just had to sing the ABC’s so I could remember if ‘X’ came before or after ‘W’

 

do i look like i careSeptember 26, 2014

I’ve been worried about my memory failing lately, but then I heard “Love will keep us together” at the grocery store and realized I could sing along, so I’m fine…

FACT: The Exorcist is not based on a demon possession at all. It’s really about daily life with my daughter

Imagine two lovers staring romantically at each other just waiting for their souls to unite. Except it’s me and this bowl of ice cream.

Hours have passed since I first woke up and I’m STILL mad at my husband for something he did in my dream.

 

I hate when I’m belting out a song at the top of my lungs in front of people and the artist corrects me

I feel weird when someone compliments me and I don’t know what to say… Someone: “Sharon, you look very nice today.” Me: “I think that guy just farted…”

 

I know why the Paranormal Activity movies scare me. It’s not the demons. Nope…it’s that these abnormal people rarely watch T.V. and never listen to the radio.

 

In my ” Childless & petless Walternate Universe” I’ve just sat on an overstuffed leather recliner and not on a Dorito sandwich.

December 6, 2014 # of times I’ve worn sweat pants since mid Nov. Every day. # of times I’ve sweated wearing the sweat pants since mid Nov. 0…

Just keep beeping at me smoke detector. We both know it’s going to be at least 48 more hours before I change you.

look mom kill meDecember 16, 2014

Husband…did you know that snails can sleep for three years?
Me…Is this what you do now? Repeat stuff I said yesterday?

My son asked why I’ve been quite tonight. I told him that nobody plots a murder out loud. He looked at me and said, “Let me guess. More common core math homework for little sister?” Yup…

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